


Unbreak My Heart

by soapficgal



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 01:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5725402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soapficgal/pseuds/soapficgal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Janet deals with the aftermath of her break up with Jack and finds that life isn't at all the way it was before they found one another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Five minutes. Five agonizing, grueling minutes. That’s all it would take to change everything in Janet Ciccone’s life. Then again that seemed to be the name of the game since day one. Five minutes for someone to build you up only to let you down all over again. Five minutes to go from refusing Brad’s attempts at seduction, to giving in, to ultimately being a teenage mother. It was a never ending cycle for Janet--one that she’d hoped to break, but old habits died hard apparently. Even now as she sat alone in her hotel room, she knew that was never going to change. Here she was doing it all over again in similar circumstances as she’d been the last time, but worse. This time she was in love.  
  
Closing her eyes, Janet stood beside the window knowing that there was no point in denying it. She’d screwed up. She should have learned when she and Jack had parted ways the first time. He had high standards and Carly had warned her. She’d been stubborn though and her heart had lead her astray. Jack was just so perfect--too perfect and now as Janet thought about their relationship’s premature ending, she couldn’t help but carry the blame onto herself. She’d pushed him too far--asked for too much and even though he’d promised her she would never be able to disappoint him again, it was clear that she had.  
  
“Where did we go wrong?” Janet sighed turning away from the window as she thought about the last time she’d seen Jack. Things were tense and angry and she wasn’t quite sure how it all blew out of proportion like it had. One minute he was asking her to move in with him, wanting nothing more than to have the two of them together starting a new life and then the world fell apart.  
  
“But you’re a fighter. You’re strong and determined and you won’t let this leave you jaded,” Janet gave herself a pep talk as she thought about how it hurt like hell to walk away from the one man who had given her more than just a few laughs. He’d made her feel special and alive, but that was over now. Jack had moved on and wasn’t about to look back anytime soon.  
  
“And who could really blame him?” she heard a tiny voice in the back of her head dug deeper, twisting the knife that was still plunged into her heart at his blatant rejection of her.  
  
Sure, she’d been down this path before, but never had she had so much of herself invested in a man. Yes, she’d spent a great many years believing that Brad was the one, but it was a pipe dream that soon faded after Brad made it clear he’d never loved her. All those years of holding onto hope that her daughter’s father would somehow have missed her and wanted her in his life was just a foolish notion that Brad had put to rest shortly after she’d arrived in Oakdale, but with Jack, well Jack was different. Jack was special.  
  
“We bring out the best in each other Janet,” Jack had assured her each and every time she’d started to believe she wasn’t good enough. Any time that she feared she’d push him away like every other man in her life, he’d kept returning--kept believing that they could make it against the odds until finally he’d turned the other cheek.  
  
Now as she felt a chill carry over her, she focused on the clock. Only three minutes until life changed forever and she would discover if she and Jack were truly over once and for all. Yes, he’d said that he was done with her--said that it was over and a part of her was certain she could guess where his heart when he’d said that. There was no mistaking that Carly had become a stronger presence in his life lately, so she was certain that it would be Carly he’d be confiding in. Carly that he would be using as a shoulder to lean on now that he had written Janet off, yet Janet wished like hell that it could’ve been her. She wished that she could erase that look on his face when he’d walked out of her life and out of her world forever.  
  
“If you weren’t an after thought to Brad, then why would you be any different with Jack?” she heard another torturous voice nag at her again. Sure, maybe she wasn’t anything special, but she’d thought Jack was different. He’d made her feel like she was beautiful and wonderful and worthy of love for the first time in her life. He’d treated her with respect and dignity and always made her feel like she was someone worth taking a chance on. Even now she could remember the last time he’d held her.  
  
“Ciccone, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he’d whispered, his lips grazing over the back of her neck as his arms surrounded her. “You’ve inspired me to change so many things in my life.”  
  
“Good things I hope,” she replied turning around to face him fully. She reached out to touch his cheek gently as their eyes connected.  
  
“The best things,” he promised leaning forward to kiss her tenderly. “I knew when we crossed paths that my life was never going to be the same again.”  
  
“Neither was mine,” she smiled in response, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him as if she’d never let go.  
  
Even now she could feel herself enveloped in the emotions that had carried over her the last time she and Jack had made love to one another. It was the first time she’d ever felt truly needed and wanted in her life. It was the only time she’d really felt love other than in raising her daughter through the years. It was wonderful, blissfully perfect and in a moment, it was over. No turning back. No traveling back down that path again. The fairy tale had ended and reality set in leaving Janet again on her own.  
  
“You’ve done it before and you can do it again,” Janet mouthed feeling the buzzing of her cell phone on her hip. She pulled it out of her pocket and realized it was Liberty calling. She knew she should answer, but if she did Libby would see that something was wrong. Libby would know that something was bothering her and right now Janet didn’t feel up to lying to her daughter about what was going on. She needed to face this on her own.  
  
“One more minute,” Janet realized as she took in a nervous breath.  
  
Never in her life had she been more afraid. Sure, she’d been in this boat before, but back then she had her family. Deep down she’d been armed with the knowledge that Brad really hadn’t cared for her. She’d known that when she’d given in. She’d realized early on that Brad never loved her, but she’d kept herself lost in illusions about what might have been. It wasn’t until Brad had squashed her heart that her fears had resurfaced. She’d been insignificant to Brad, but she’d thought she’d mattered to Jack. She really, truly believed that Jack was the one--that he’d be the one man who proved her wrong on all accounts. She wished more than anything that he could’ve been there with her in that moment, but hoping for that was like going down the same path she’d taken with Brad. It was only going to lead to disappointment and heartbreak in the end when Janet accepted the fact that she was irrelevant in Jack’s life as well.  
  
The phone stopped buzzing. For now Liberty had given up on trying to contact Janet and perhaps it was for the best because time was running out. Forty five seconds. Thirty five. Thirty. Fifteen. It was all crashing down too fast. Soon there would be no turning back.  
  
“You can do this and whatever happens, you’ll be okay,” Janet mouthed to herself as she returned to the tiny bathroom beyond the bed in her hotel room.  
  
She’d been hoping to avoid this for longer, but she knew better. After all the times she’d promised she’d be careful and not fall into this situation again, she’d blown it. She’d sworn off love and unexpected changes in her life, but Jack had broken all the rules. He’d made her want to believe in love and romance--in happy endings and all the things that she’d grown to despise growing up as a single mother. He’d changed her whole outlook on life and now that she’d lost him, the last thing she wanted was to use was manipulations as a tool to get him back. If things turned out differently, she would have to push forward and try to forget the love she’d felt for Jack Snyder, but if by some chance fate dealt her another surprise, would she have the courage to face him? Would she be able to tell him the truth without him thinking that she was only trying to manipulate him into giving her another chance? Would she walk away without giving him the opportunity to know like she had with Brad? Or would she simply lock herself away and fret over the decision making process until she drove herself crazy?  
  
“It’s now or never,” Janet breathed reaching out with shaky hands as she thought about what a wonderful father Jack was. He was amazing with his children and it was part of what she’d loved about him. He was so caring and wonderful--always ready to do what was necessary to put his family first. Except this was completely unexpected. This wasn’t planned for.  
  
Janet closed her eyes tightly as she wished that this was different. This should’ve been a time when she and Jack were on some exotic island together sipping fruity drinks after spending their time lost in each other’s arms. This was where they should’ve been overcome with exhaustion, having made love to one another in the tropical setting making plans for the future. It should’ve been that moment when Jack finally said those three words Janet had been waiting for since they’d come together again. This should’ve been one of the happiest moments in her life. She should’ve been able to have this with Jack. Instead she was alone and terrified of what the future might hold for her now that she was surrounded by the musty walls of the hotel room she was in. Taking in a shivering breath, Janet finally forced herself to face the truth. A gasp fell from her lips and she sank down on the countertop pressing her head against the mirror as reality fell upon her in one final, earth shattering blow.  
  
“I’m pregnant,” Janet whispered, feeling her hands shaking as she pulled back enough to look at her reflection.  
  
Her hands dropped over her abdomen as a breath escaped from her now parted lips. She tried to process all the difficulties she had in the past facing that kind of situation on her own with Liberty. She’d vowed never to do it again, but in that instant all she could think about was Jack. She could imagine what he would’ve thought before in learning the news. She could almost see the smile that would have undoubtedly lit up his face as she’d revealed the news to him. It would’ve been wonderful, but now she didn’t know where she would stand. She didn’t know how he would feel or if he would want to be a part of their child’s life. He’d severed the ties between them so how could she force him back into her life with this news. It would be unfair to push this on him. It would be wrong to try to keep their relationship going simply because their fun had complicated life, yet she wasn’t sure she could walk away either. Would he think she was trying to manipulate him? Would he disbelieve her intentions and think the worst of her? Would he decide to walk away again giving her no more thought than Brad had in the past? Did she deserve more than that from him after the way their romance fell apart?  
  
“What am I going to do?” Janet questioned with a heavy sigh realizing that while she knew what she wanted to do, it wasn’t fair to push the situation on Jack. He needed time and now so did she. It had taken five minutes to piece it all together only to tear it all down again. Five minutes to fall in love. Five minutes to realize it was over and now five minutes to discover that life was far more complicated than she’d banked on when she fell for Jack Snyder. Now as Janet stood at a turning point in her life, she realized it was time to pull herself out of self pity and put things into perspective with or without Jack in her life once and for all.


	2. Chapter 2

  
Jack Snyder stood beside the refrigerator trying to deal with the intolerable heat that had grown thick and suffocating around the farm lately. Although he’d tried to ignore it, there was something about the stifling temperature that made it hard for him to think straight let alone breathe in the room around him. Then again a part of him realized that it wasn’t so much the temperature that had his blood boiling. Pulling open the refrigerator door, he leaned down to pull a beer out to cool his mood a bit. Popping the top off of it, he raised the bottle to his lips and took a long swig of the chilled liquid. It burned down his throat before numbing it, but in the same breath he knew it wouldn’t erase the guilt that ate away at him after sending her away.  
  
“Janet,” he could almost feel the way her name rolled off of his lips, sliding with the same seductive slip of temptation that washed over him each and every time he thought about her. Sure, maybe he’d decided that he had more than his fill of their relationship, maybe he’d pushed his own rigid set of limitations about right and wrong upon her, but that still didn’t stop him from thinking about how having her around the farm had made life all the more interesting.  
  
“It’s over,” Jack mouthed to himself pushing the refrigerator door closed as he paced around the kitchen. “You made your choice and now you have to live with it.”  
  
She was gone. She wasn’t returning and Jack was well aware of that. He’d never be able to wake up with her beside him again. He’d never have her teasing him about ways they could spend the morning lost in each others arms forgetting about the world for a while. He’d never be able to lean forward with her wrapped up in his arms, taking in the sexy, intoxicating scent of her perfume as he placed butterfly kisses against her warm skin. He’d never be able to kiss her endlessly or share the laughter that they’d experienced with one another time and time again because he’d been fool enough to let her go. He’d screwed up with Janet, yet rather than facing up to it, he’d tossed her aside and condemned her for his actions.  
  
“She didn’t tell you to get rid of the evidence,” Jack could hear his own conscience tearing away at him. “She never wanted you to steal that file, but you did simply because you were trying to do what was right.”  
  
What was right, Jack thought to himself feeling an ironic laugh upon his lips. He’d prided himself on being moral and a step above the rest. Hell, he’d spent most of his marriage to Carly reminding her of just how clear he was about staying on the path of the straight and narrow because he was Jack Snyder the man who could do no wrong. He made mistakes, but somehow through the years everyone else was faulted with them. He had loved with all his heart, been crushed time and time again and when disappointment came calling, somehow Jack couldn’t find it in himself to accept his role in the deceptions in his life. He and Carly couldn’t make it because of his sense of morality, but he’d thought that maybe with Janet he’d changed. He had believed that if he did right by Brad he could live with himself, but he couldn’t. The guilt of stealing evidence to save his brother’s skin had been too much for him and ultimately Janet had paid the price for that.  
  
Closing his eyes, he thought back to the last time he and Janet had seen one another. Her eyes were full of tears, her broken heart exposed to him as he’d been unwilling to listen to her words of reason.  
  
“Jack, you weren’t wrong for trying to save your brother,” she’d pleaded with him. “It might not have been the cop thing to do, but you were trying to make sure that your brother had his freedom.”  
  
“And at what price Janet? I compromised all that I was to suppress that evidence for Brad and what did it get me?” Jack had lashed out at her. “I did what you wanted and…”  
  
“I never told you to steal that evidence Jack. I simply told you that now was the time to lighten up on your brother,” Janet explained tearfully, “and when I promised to take the evidence and deal with it so you wouldn’t have to, I was trying to help you.”  
  
“And what good did it get me Janet? I compromised all that I am because of you--because you’re a part of my life now and I can’t control the things that are important to me anymore,” Jack had snapped back at her, his words revealing the anger with himself that he’d harbored since he’d made the decision to cross the line into dark waters with suppressing police evidence.  
  
“Jack, I never asked you to compromise anything about who you are, but if you can’t see that…” Janet’s words trailed off as Jack turned his back to her, “then maybe we really don’t belong together. If you think for a second that I would ever willingly go out of my way to hurt you, then perhaps you and I never really knew each other at all.”  
  
“Maybe we didn’t,” Jack had answered coldly, refusing to take responsibility for his role in tearing his career to pieces by breaking the law and his own inner code.  
  
  
Now as Jack stood in the middle of the kitchen on the threshold of his world falling apart, he found that all the morals in the world weren’t going to get him any closer to happiness. Time and time again he’d passed his own brand of justice. He’d lived by his code. It had been the one thing that had kept him sane through the times when his life had fallen to pieces. It was what set him a step above the rest, but in this moment it was also the one thing that had kept him empty inside and alone.  
  
“You can’t go to bed with your moral code and feel anything, but empty in the morning when you’re alone Jack,” Janet had said before he’d dismissed her from his life. Even now the weight of her words hung over him like a ton of bricks, bringing down with them the reality of the man he’d become and the truth about just how far in his life he was from where he’d wanted to be.  
  
“This is ridiculous,” Jack groaned outwardly finishing off his beer before turning around for another one. Instead much to his surprise and dismay he found that he was no longer alone.  
  
“Jack,” Carly spoke his name, her eyes concerned for him as she moved further into the room tentatively. Her fingers played over the side of the floral print dress she was wearing as Jack could see she was uneasy about being in the same room with him.  
  
“Carly, what are you doing here?” Jack questioned with an uneasiness in his tone, thinking about how he’d managed to bring Carly into the chaos of his life as well. His eyes swept over her as he took in a nervous breath wondering if she’d come around to discuss the kiss they’d shared at Alison and Aaron’s wedding.  
  
“Making sure that you’re alright,” Carly admitted with a softness in her tone. “Rumor has it that Janet moved out of here.”  
  
“It’s more than a rumor,” Jack shrugged opening up the refrigerator door once again. He pulled out a beer and walked over towards the table without looking back at her. “She’s gone.”  
  
“And I can see you’re handling it very well,” Carly noted with an air of sarcasm giving him a long once over.  
  
“Carly, I don’t want to hear this,” Jack frowned up at his ex-wife. “It’s over and that’s all that matters.”  
  
“I don’t think that’s really the case Jack,” Carly argued circling around the kitchen counter to meet him over by the table. “The way I see it you have had a lot on your mind and right now I don’t think you should be drinking. It’ll only complicate things further.”  
  
“In case you haven’t noticed Carly, I think I passed the point of no return a while ago when I decided to take the law into my own hands to save Brad,” Jack groaned outwardly bringing his beer to his lips once again.  
  
“Perhaps, but that’s not really what I came here to discuss with you,” Carly informed him with a sudden seriousness in her tone. “I want to talk to you about us and about Janet.”  
  
“Us and Janet?” Jack repeated practically choking on the words.  
  
“That’s right,” Carly noted as she reached for a chair and took a seat across from him, “because the way I see it, you’re doing what you always do in hiding from your heart Jack.”  
  
“Carly, I don’t want to talk about…” he began again with a grumble.  
  
“The fact that you kissed me at the wedding because it was easier to reach out to me as a means of sabotaging the happiness you have in your life,” Carly finished for him with a poignant smile. “At first I thought that maybe it had more to do with our connection, but now I’m seeing that it had everything to do with the guilt you were feeling over covering for Brad. I can see now that you’re obviously lost in your own misery and wanted to suffer for it.”  
  
“Carly, look about that kiss…” Jack shifted on his chair uneasily wondering why in the world he’d stepped out on a limb like that and kissed his ex-wife when he’d sworn his love to Janet only days earlier.  
  
“Don’t think I read anything more into it than what it was,” she raised her hand up in the air to stop him before rethinking the gesture. “Actually the truth is I put a lot of thought into it. More than I probably should have, but after I saw you and Janet together I realized what it was.”  
  
“Carly…” Jack started again.  
  
“You were stewing over the mistake you made, so you were opening yourself up to making another one by hurting the one woman who has made you happy for the first time in a very long time Jack,” Carly insisted with a forced smile upon her lips. “Jack, I know you care about her and I won’t let you use me to destroy that.”  
  
“That’s not it at all Carly,” Jack shook his head firmly as his eyes fell upon the beer bottle in his hands.  
  
“Yes it is,” Carly continued to explain. “I’m an easy place to fall because we have this toxic pattern with one another. We tear each other down to the core until we’re broken and then we start the cycle all over again. Jack, it’s what we’ve done for years and it’s something we’re good at because it’s what we’ve known for so very long.”  
  
“Carly, please don’t make this about us when…” Jack watched her place her hand over his on the table top.  
  
“I love you Jack and I’ll always love you, but deep down you know that you and I are both like this horrible addiction to one another. We may have moments when we bring out the best in one another, but we also bring out the worst--the very worst. I knew when you kissed me that it wasn’t really about us, but rather about what was happening with you. In fact, at one point in time I know I would’ve held onto that with all that I had in me, but Janet’s a good person Jack. I know she loves you.”  
  
“Janet and I tried, but we failed together in a relationship,” Jack offered up thinking about the woman he’d willingly pushed out of his life.  
  
“No Jack,” Carly insisted shaking her head firmly, “You’re just being stubborn, impossible and completely foolish. If you’d stop thinking about your sense of duty, you’d see that maybe it’s time to have love in your life again Jack.”  
  
“Carly, you know how I can be,” Jack glanced over at her once again.  
  
She let out a small laugh, “Oh believe me I am more than well aware of what kind of man you are. That’s why I could see all of this coming when it was right in front of me, but Janet, well she had no idea of just what it’s like to love you Jack. She has no clue about what it entails to be the woman who has captivated you completely. Loving you can be the most wonderful thing in the world, but in the same breath it can be lethal and trying on a person.”  
  
“Gee, you make it sound like I’m more of a nightmare than anything else,” Jack groaned again, his eyes clouded over with a darkness that hadn’t been present earlier.  
  
“Jack, can you honestly tell me that you and I have made one another happy through the years?” she sighed leaning back in her chair. “Granted we have had some wonderful moments and believe me I wouldn’t trade them for the world, but is that really what we want to get into again? Is that really the kind of life that we should have together? One of ups and downs where we push each other to the point of no return?”  
  
“Carly, look when I kissed you I was out of line and…” Jack offered up weakly knowing full well there was no excuse for how he’d reached out to his ex when he’d wanted to make things right with Janet.  
  
“Your means of ending things with Janet in a justifiable fashion. It was easier to fall back to me than to try to follow your heart to the woman who has turned your world upside down and made you question who you are,” Carly let out an ironic laugh. “I never thought that I would live to see the day when I would tell you that you and I need to let go, but here we are.”  
  
“And it’s time,” Jack replied with an air of sadness in his tone. He squeezed her hand lightly as their eyes met. “Carly, we had some great, wonderful moments together.”  
  
“We sure did Jack,” Carly smiled back at him, “and I’m never going to let go of that or stop caring about you. You’ll always hold a special place in my heart, but right now you need to find the happiness that I could never give you. You need to swallow your pride and make things work with Janet. She’s good for you Jack.”  
  
“I know she is,” Jack replied with a thoughtful expression. “I knew it the first moment I met her. Even though she was mad as hell at me there was just something about her that made me feel…”  
  
“What?” Carly questioned seeing him trail off once again.  
  
“Alive,” Jack divulged with hint of a smile creasing over his lips. “She made me feel relaxed, entertaining and fun again. When I was with her it was like everything that was wrong in my life wasn’t important because she was there to lighten me up. She showed me that it was okay to let loose for a while and enjoy life.”  
  
“Which is something you’ve needed to do for a very long time,” Carly encouraged him further as she squeezed his hand lightly. “She has a good heart Jack and I know that she loves you.”  
  
“I love her too Carly,” Jack revealed surprising himself with the words. As he sat up straighter, a sense of realization dawned upon him. “I really do love her. I have for a while now, but I couldn’t ever say it until now. I love Janet.”  
  
“Then why the hell are you sitting here waiting around for life to pass you by Jack?” Carly questioned giving him a pointed look. “Why aren’t you going off to tell her all of this when she’s the one you should be having this conversation with?”  
  
Jack Snyder stood beside the refrigerator trying to deal with the intolerable heat that had grown thick and suffocating around the farm lately. Although he’d tried to ignore it, there was something about the stifling temperature that made it hard for him to think straight let alone breathe in the room around him. Then again a part of him realized that it wasn’t so much the temperature that had his blood boiling. Pulling open the refrigerator door, he leaned down to pull a beer out to cool his mood a bit. Popping the top off of it, he raised the bottle to his lips and took a long swig of the chilled liquid. It burned down his throat before numbing it, but in the same breath he knew it wouldn’t erase the guilt that ate away at him after sending her away.  
  
“Janet,” he could almost feel the way her name rolled off of his lips, sliding with the same seductive slip of temptation that washed over him each and every time he thought about her. Sure, maybe he’d decided that he had more than his fill of their relationship, maybe he’d pushed his own rigid set of limitations about right and wrong upon her, but that still didn’t stop him from thinking about how having her around the farm had made life all the more interesting.  
  
“It’s over,” Jack mouthed to himself pushing the refrigerator door closed as he paced around the kitchen. “You made your choice and now you have to live with it.”  
  
She was gone. She wasn’t returning and Jack was well aware of that. He’d never be able to wake up with her beside him again. He’d never have her teasing him about ways they could spend the morning lost in each others arms forgetting about the world for a while. He’d never be able to lean forward with her wrapped up in his arms, taking in the sexy, intoxicating scent of her perfume as he placed butterfly kisses against her warm skin. He’d never be able to kiss her endlessly or share the laughter that they’d experienced with one another time and time again because he’d been fool enough to let her go. He’d screwed up with Janet, yet rather than facing up to it, he’d tossed her aside and condemned her for his actions.  
  
“She didn’t tell you to get rid of the evidence,” Jack could hear his own conscience tearing away at him. “She never wanted you to steal that file, but you did simply because you were trying to do what was right.”  
  
What was right, Jack thought to himself feeling an ironic laugh upon his lips. He’d prided himself on being moral and a step above the rest. Hell, he’d spent most of his marriage to Carly reminding her of just how clear he was about staying on the path of the straight and narrow because he was Jack Snyder the man who could do no wrong. He made mistakes, but somehow through the years everyone else was faulted with them. He had loved with all his heart, been crushed time and time again and when disappointment came calling, somehow Jack couldn’t find it in himself to accept his role in the deceptions in his life. He and Carly couldn’t make it because of his sense of morality, but he’d thought that maybe with Janet he’d changed. He had believed that if he did right by Brad he could live with himself, but he couldn’t. The guilt of stealing evidence to save his brother’s skin had been too much for him and ultimately Janet had paid the price for that.  
  
Closing his eyes, he thought back to the last time he and Janet had seen one another. Her eyes were full of tears, her broken heart exposed to him as he’d been unwilling to listen to her words of reason.  
  
“Jack, you weren’t wrong for trying to save your brother,” she’d pleaded with him. “It might not have been the cop thing to do, but you were trying to make sure that your brother had his freedom.”  
  
“And at what price Janet? I compromised all that I was to suppress that evidence for Brad and what did it get me?” Jack had lashed out at her. “I did what you wanted and…”  
  
“I never told you to steal that evidence Jack. I simply told you that now was the time to lighten up on your brother,” Janet explained tearfully, “and when I promised to take the evidence and deal with it so you wouldn’t have to, I was trying to help you.”  
  
“And what good did it get me Janet? I compromised all that I am because of you--because you’re a part of my life now and I can’t control the things that are important to me anymore,” Jack had snapped back at her, his words revealing the anger with himself that he’d harbored since he’d made the decision to cross the line into dark waters with suppressing police evidence.  
  
“Jack, I never asked you to compromise anything about who you are, but if you can’t see that…” Janet’s words trailed off as Jack turned his back to her, “then maybe we really don’t belong together. If you think for a second that I would ever willingly go out of my way to hurt you, then perhaps you and I never really knew each other at all.”  
  
“Maybe we didn’t,” Jack had answered coldly, refusing to take responsibility for his role in tearing his career to pieces by breaking the law and his own inner code.  
  
  
Now as Jack stood in the middle of the kitchen on the threshold of his world falling apart, he found that all the morals in the world weren’t going to get him any closer to happiness. Time and time again he’d passed his own brand of justice. He’d lived by his code. It had been the one thing that had kept him sane through the times when his life had fallen to pieces. It was what set him a step above the rest, but in this moment it was also the one thing that had kept him empty inside and alone.  
  
“You can’t go to bed with your moral code and feel anything, but empty in the morning when you’re alone Jack,” Janet had said before he’d dismissed her from his life. Even now the weight of her words hung over him like a ton of bricks, bringing down with them the reality of the man he’d become and the truth about just how far in his life he was from where he’d wanted to be.  
  
“This is ridiculous,” Jack groaned outwardly finishing off his beer before turning around for another one. Instead much to his surprise and dismay he found that he was no longer alone.  
  
“Jack,” Carly spoke his name, her eyes concerned for him as she moved further into the room tentatively. Her fingers played over the side of the floral print dress she was wearing as Jack could see she was uneasy about being in the same room with him.  
  
“Carly, what are you doing here?” Jack questioned with an uneasiness in his tone, thinking about how he’d managed to bring Carly into the chaos of his life as well. His eyes swept over her as he took in a nervous breath wondering if she’d come around to discuss the kiss they’d shared at Alison and Aaron’s wedding.  
  
“Making sure that you’re alright,” Carly admitted with a softness in her tone. “Rumor has it that Janet moved out of here.”  
  
“It’s more than a rumor,” Jack shrugged opening up the refrigerator door once again. He pulled out a beer and walked over towards the table without looking back at her. “She’s gone.”  
  
“And I can see you’re handling it very well,” Carly noted with an air of sarcasm giving him a long once over.  
  
“Carly, I don’t want to hear this,” Jack frowned up at his ex-wife. “It’s over and that’s all that matters.”  
  
“I don’t think that’s really the case Jack,” Carly argued circling around the kitchen counter to meet him over by the table. “The way I see it you have had a lot on your mind and right now I don’t think you should be drinking. It’ll only complicate things further.”  
  
“In case you haven’t noticed Carly, I think I passed the point of no return a while ago when I decided to take the law into my own hands to save Brad,” Jack groaned outwardly bringing his beer to his lips once again.  
  
“Perhaps, but that’s not really what I came here to discuss with you,” Carly informed him with a sudden seriousness in her tone. “I want to talk to you about us and about Janet.”  
  
“Us and Janet?” Jack repeated practically choking on the words.  
  
“That’s right,” Carly noted as she reached for a chair and took a seat across from him, “because the way I see it, you’re doing what you always do in hiding from your heart Jack.”  
  
“Carly, I don’t want to talk about…” he began again with a grumble.  
  
“The fact that you kissed me at the wedding because it was easier to reach out to me as a means of sabotaging the happiness you have in your life,” Carly finished for him with a poignant smile. “At first I thought that maybe it had more to do with our connection, but now I’m seeing that it had everything to do with the guilt you were feeling over covering for Brad. I can see now that you’re obviously lost in your own misery and wanted to suffer for it.”  
  
“Carly, look about that kiss…” Jack shifted on his chair uneasily wondering why in the world he’d stepped out on a limb like that and kissed his ex-wife when he’d sworn his love to Janet only days earlier.  
  
“Don’t think I read anything more into it than what it was,” she raised her hand up in the air to stop him before rethinking the gesture. “Actually the truth is I put a lot of thought into it. More than I probably should have, but after I saw you and Janet together I realized what it was.”  
  
“Carly…” Jack started again.  
  
“You were stewing over the mistake you made, so you were opening yourself up to making another one by hurting the one woman who has made you happy for the first time in a very long time Jack,” Carly insisted with a forced smile upon her lips. “Jack, I know you care about her and I won’t let you use me to destroy that.”  
  
“That’s not it at all Carly,” Jack shook his head firmly as his eyes fell upon the beer bottle in his hands.  
  
“Yes it is,” Carly continued to explain. “I’m an easy place to fall because we have this toxic pattern with one another. We tear each other down to the core until we’re broken and then we start the cycle all over again. Jack, it’s what we’ve done for years and it’s something we’re good at because it’s what we’ve known for so very long.”  
  
“Carly, please don’t make this about us when…” Jack watched her place her hand over his on the table top.  
  
“I love you Jack and I’ll always love you, but deep down you know that you and I are both like this horrible addiction to one another. We may have moments when we bring out the best in one another, but we also bring out the worst--the very worst. I knew when you kissed me that it wasn’t really about us, but rather about what was happening with you. In fact, at one point in time I know I would’ve held onto that with all that I had in me, but Janet’s a good person Jack. I know she loves you.”  
  
“Janet and I tried, but we failed together in a relationship,” Jack offered up thinking about the woman he’d willingly pushed out of his life.  
  
“No Jack,” Carly insisted shaking her head firmly, “You’re just being stubborn, impossible and completely foolish. If you’d stop thinking about your sense of duty, you’d see that maybe it’s time to have love in your life again Jack.”  
  
“Carly, you know how I can be,” Jack glanced over at her once again.  
  
She let out a small laugh, “Oh believe me I am more than well aware of what kind of man you are. That’s why I could see all of this coming when it was right in front of me, but Janet, well she had no idea of just what it’s like to love you Jack. She has no clue about what it entails to be the woman who has captivated you completely. Loving you can be the most wonderful thing in the world, but in the same breath it can be lethal and trying on a person.”  
  
“Gee, you make it sound like I’m more of a nightmare than anything else,” Jack groaned again, his eyes clouded over with a darkness that hadn’t been present earlier.  
  
“Jack, can you honestly tell me that you and I have made one another happy through the years?” she sighed leaning back in her chair. “Granted we have had some wonderful moments and believe me I wouldn’t trade them for the world, but is that really what we want to get into again? Is that really the kind of life that we should have together? One of ups and downs where we push each other to the point of no return?”  
  
“Carly, look when I kissed you I was out of line and…” Jack offered up weakly knowing full well there was no excuse for how he’d reached out to his ex when he’d wanted to make things right with Janet.  
  
“Your means of ending things with Janet in a justifiable fashion. It was easier to fall back to me than to try to follow your heart to the woman who has turned your world upside down and made you question who you are,” Carly let out an ironic laugh. “I never thought that I would live to see the day when I would tell you that you and I need to let go, but here we are.”  
  
“And it’s time,” Jack replied with an air of sadness in his tone. He squeezed her hand lightly as their eyes met. “Carly, we had some great, wonderful moments together.”  
  
“We sure did Jack,” Carly smiled back at him, “and I’m never going to let go of that or stop caring about you. You’ll always hold a special place in my heart, but right now you need to find the happiness that I could never give you. You need to swallow your pride and make things work with Janet. She’s good for you Jack.”  
  
“I know she is,” Jack replied with a thoughtful expression. “I knew it the first moment I met her. Even though she was mad as hell at me there was just something about her that made me feel…”  
  
“What?” Carly questioned seeing him trail off once again.  
  
“Alive,” Jack divulged with hint of a smile creasing over his lips. “She made me feel relaxed, entertaining and fun again. When I was with her it was like everything that was wrong in my life wasn’t important because she was there to lighten me up. She showed me that it was okay to let loose for a while and enjoy life.”  
  
“Which is something you’ve needed to do for a very long time,” Carly encouraged him further as she squeezed his hand lightly. “She has a good heart Jack and I know that she loves you.”  
  
“I love her too Carly,” Jack revealed surprising himself with the words. As he sat up straighter, a sense of realization dawned upon him. “I really do love her. I have for a while now, but I couldn’t ever say it until now. I love Janet.”  
  
“Then why the hell are you sitting here waiting around for life to pass you by Jack?” Carly questioned giving him a pointed look. “Why aren’t you going off to tell her all of this when she’s the one you should be having this conversation with?”  
  
“You’re right,” Jack nodded pushing his chair away from the table. He stood up and stepped forward towards the door. He paused to turn around and face Carly again, “Carly I…”  
  
“I know,” she nodded standing up as well. She walked over to him and pat his arm gently, “Jack, be happy. That’s all I ever could have wanted for you.”  
  
“That’s all I want for you too Carly,” Jack promised leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek. “Thank you for making me see things as they are.”  
  
“What can I say?” Carly winked up at him. “I’m getting good at being right it seems.”  
  
“Don’t let it get to your head,” Jack laughed lightly.  
  
“With you in my life I’m pretty sure I won’t get much of an opportunity for that,” Carly teased before clearing her throat, “Though in all seriousness Jack when you go to her, don’t go there armed with your moral code. Don’t bombard her with your sense of duty, but rather speak from your heart. Be honest with her and let her see just how important she is in your life Jack. If you love her, don’t let her walk away without a fight. Let her know what she means to you.”  
  
“I will,” he promised stepping back and turning to leave now that he was armed with a newfound determination to win back the one woman who had managed to turn his world upside down in the best possible way imaginable.  
  
***********************************  
“You’re right,” Jack nodded pushing his chair away from the table. He stood up and stepped forward towards the door. He paused to turn around and face Carly again, “Carly I…”  
  
“I know,” she nodded standing up as well. She walked over to him and pat his arm gently, “Jack, be happy. That’s all I ever could have wanted for you.”  
  
“That’s all I want for you too Carly,” Jack promised leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek. “Thank you for making me see things as they are.”  
  
“What can I say?” Carly winked up at him. “I’m getting good at being right it seems.”  
  
“Don’t let it get to your head,” Jack laughed lightly.  
  
“With you in my life I’m pretty sure I won’t get much of an opportunity for that,” Carly teased before clearing her throat, “Though in all seriousness Jack when you go to her, don’t go there armed with your moral code. Don’t bombard her with your sense of duty, but rather speak from your heart. Be honest with her and let her see just how important she is in your life Jack. If you love her, don’t let her walk away without a fight. Let her know what she means to you.”  
  
“I will,” he promised stepping back and turning to leave now that he was armed with a newfound determination to win back the one woman who had managed to turn his world upside down in the best possible way imaginable.  
  
***********************************


	3. Chapter 3

  
  
“Are you sure you’re alright Janet?” Vienna asked worriedly as Janet returned to the counter with her hand pressed over her abdomen. “You look a bit pale and…”  
  
“I’m fine,” Janet confessed with an exaggerated breath before forcing a smile. “I just had a case of bad Chinese food last night and…”  
  
“I can cover here for you if you’d like,” Vienna’s brow creased with worry. “If you aren’t up to staying around for your shift, then…”  
  
“Right now I think work is the best possible thing for me,” Janet admitted drawing in a breath.  
  
Janet thought about the real reason for the sickness that driven her from getting coffee for one of the customers to the ladies room wishing like hell she hadn’t opted to pick up breakfast before work at one of the local fast food places. It was bad enough that she’d always sworn off that kind of greasy, plastic, less than edible imitation food, but there was something about the idea of pancakes in a flash that had guided her to the drive thru. Of course now she was regretting it. As if it wasn’t bad enough that she’d gotten an absolutely dreadful craving, but more so that she’d tried to appease it with the lowest form of food she could get her hands on. Still now wasn’t the time to dwell on that after she realized that she’d have to find a way to be not only eating for two, but being able to support three people on a waitress salary.  
  
“You don’t look like you should be working,” Vienna offered up with a sympathetic expression on her face.  
  
“Truth be told I need the hours right now,” Janet pleaded with Vienna. “I’m in the process of moving and…”  
  
“Alright,” Vienna finally nodded, “but if you change your mind and you have to leave.”  
  
“I know where to call,” Janet promised wishing that her stomach would also find a way to comply with her decision as she felt it churning again.  
  
“Good,” Vienna smiled at her. “At least it’s a slow morning for you though it would be nice if things picked up a bit.”  
  
“You aren’t kidding,” Janet sighed taking another look around the diner in the hopes that she’d have a good day of tips ahead of her. Being on her feet alone was enough to make her want to crawl back into bed after the night she had, but if she spent the day working without getting anything to show for it, she was most certainly going to have problems ahead of her. Though now wasn’t the time for that. Now was all about work.  
  
“Work,” she laughed to herself thinking about all the extra shifts she was going to have to pick up in order to be able to be what Libby needed on top of what this child would need as well.   
  
Sure, maybe Libby now had Brad in her life, but that wasn’t going to be the case for the new child in Janet’s life. Janet still hadn’t made up her mind on what she was going to do with Jack although her heart kept telling her she needed to be honest with him about the situation. She knew she couldn’t lie to him, but at the same time, she wasn’t exactly sure how she could let him know that once again she shook up his life in ways he wouldn’t be likely to recover from. She’d already cost him his job in a round about way and now with the child on the way, she was fairly certain it would undoubtedly complicate his life more than he was hoping for all over again.  
  
“It wasn’t like either one of you planned on it,” she heard a voice in the back of her mind recall.   
  
Yes, maybe she was the biggest advocate of making sure to use protection each and every time, but she’d also been told through the years that protection wasn’t always infallible. She’d read the warnings about how there was no sure way to keep from becoming pregnant other than abstinence and heaven knew that from the moment she met Jack Snyder that wasn’t at all going to be an option. He was sexy, charming and had a smile that made Janet light up all over feeling like a school girl all over again. His arms had a warmth about them that made her melt and that way he looked at her had her thinking all sorts of thoughts she was certain she should’ve tucked away long ago after she’d had Liberty. Granted Janet was no saint, but when she was close to Jack she couldn’t help but feel an inclination to fall into sin--lots of it. Even now thinking about it made her pulse race, her breath catch in her throat and she knew she was in for trouble.  
  
“Can I have some more coffee over here?” a voice roused her from her naughty thoughts of Jack.   
  
While she knew full well she should be serious, the very idea of being alone again with Jack had her thinking about things that would never happen again, wishing for moments that she was convinced had been stolen from her forever, but it didn’t matter. Even now as she contemplated how he would react to the news of her pregnancy, she couldn’t help but find herself thinking about all the reasons why she was happy that they’d crossed paths with one another. He’d taught her about love and what it meant to be special to someone and even if nothing else came from their time together, she would always have the memories and their child. That was something worth holding onto.  
  
“The coffee would be nice to have some time today,” the voice started again impatiently.  
  
Frowning Janet reached for the coffee pot and carried it with her over to where the patron sat at the counter tapping his fingers on top of it.  
  
“You know patience is a virtue,” she tossed back at him flippantly not really caring about whatever tip he would leave her. While she hadn’t really paid much attention to him other than the sound of his gruff voice, she knew that his kind weren’t big on tipping. The most she could hope for was for him to be on his way and she could return to stewing over her issues and her thoughts of Jack.  
  
“Ciccone,” she heard another voice carry over the music that filled the diner. She looked up to see a man with a newspaper seated beside the rude customer. His face was shielded by the local headline displayed before her eyes, but there was no mistaking the sound of his voice. Immediately her body tightened and she turned away not giving him the opportunity to continue a conversation with her.  
  
“You’re mistaken,” she explained hurriedly as she rushed to the other end of the counter to tend to another customer.  
  
“I don’t think I am. In fact, I know I’m not,” the voice followed her.   
  
She felt a hand on her wrist and much to her dismay when she turned she saw a familiar pair of green eyes before her. The man across from her at the counter had aged a bit, but there was no mistaking the same crooked smirk that carried over his handsome features. Even now the way he was looking at her made her think about the last time she’d seen him all those years ago--back when she’d actually wanted to have him stay a part of her life, but now things had changed. Things were different and his arrival could only mean one thing--trouble.  
  
“Long time no see, huh?” he flashed her a bright, white smile.  
  
“Not long enough,” Janet pulled her arm away from his as she held the coffee pot in her other hand. “What are you doing here Jason?”  
  
“I could ask the same thing about you,” his green eyes gave her a long once over. “The last time I saw you I put you and Liberty on a bus far from here in the hopes that you’d actually take some friendly advice and listen to me for a change.”  
  
“I think you did more than enough for Liberty and I,” she frowned over at him, “and don’t think I forgot all about your abrupt send off.”  
  
“I thought you’d be happy to start over again,” he curled his lip in a frown. “You know I only did it to protect you given that things were tense when…”  
  
“Save it,” Janet warned as her dark eyes darted around the diner. “It was a long time ago.”  
  
“Even so you told me if something ever came up again that I should contact you,” Jason explained giving her a look of sudden seriousness. “When I learned you were here in Oakdale I must say I was disappointed, but at the same time it gave me a chance to find you and get to you before he did.”  
  
“Wait, what?” Janet’s eyes widened in horror. “You mean he’s…”  
  
“Pulled some strings and he’s out on parole,” Jason informed her as Janet felt a whole new sickness carry over her.  
  
“Since when?” she was almost afraid to ask.  
  
“Two days ago and even though we’re pushing for ways to put him back inside,” Jason began with an air of professionalism in his tone.  
  
“You can’t guarantee anything,” Janet set the coffee pot down. “Just like before when you swore that Libby and I would be fine. You said that we would be alright, but obviously you were wrong about that.”  
  
“We can move you tonight and get you somewhere new. We can set you two up in another place and…” Jason informed her as he pressed his palms down flat on the countertop.  
  
“And what? You can have Libby and I give up everything all over again? No thank you,” Janet curled her lip in a frown. “I think I’ll take my chances on my own.”  
  
“Janet, I know that you’re stubborn, but…” Jason began again.  
  
“But nothing. I’ve gotten this far on my own and I can do it again,” Janet insisted stubbornly. She looked around the diner and thought about the life she’d created for her and Liberty in Oakdale. It was quiet and away from the drama they’d left behind, yet here was a face from her past ready to rip it all away from her in the blink of an eye. Yes, maybe she’d believed in Agent Jason Grant once, but never again. If the FBI wasn’t able to keep her worst nightmare behind bars, then she was fairly certain running away wasn’t going to be the answer either especially not now.  
  
“Janet, you’re making a mistake,” Jason reached out across the counter to grab her arm again.  
  
“On the contrary pal, I think you’re making one right now if you don’t let go of her,” Jack’s voice interrupted as Janet looked up to see her former lover standing beside Jason. His dark eyes were wild with warning as Jason released her and stepped back raising his hands in the air.  
  
“My mistake,” Jason replied giving Janet another look before glancing back to Jack. A moment later Jason reached into jacket and pulled out a business card that he slid across the countertop. “You know where to reach me.”  
  
“I won’t be doing it,” Janet snapped watching Jason leave the diner. She glanced down at the card before snatching it up before Jack could get a better look at it.  
  
“What was that all about?” Jack questioned giving her a sideways glance.  
  
“It was nothing,” Janet started to lie, but thought twice about it feeling a pang of guilt carry over her. “At least it’s nothing for you to worry about Jack.”  
  
“I’ll be the judge of that,” Jack eased onto one of the seats across from her. “Who was that guy?”  
  
“Someone I knew a long time ago,” Janet confessed feeling an ache carry over her in that moment. Her eyes connected with Jack’s and in an instant she found herself wanting to reach out across the bar and kiss him like she’d never let go. She wanted to tell him how sorry she was for the way things had played out and explain how she had never wanted to lose him, but now wasn’t the time. Everything she thought she’d had figured out was now suddenly far from the reality that surrounded her.  
  
“Knew how?” Jack questioned not saying much more than that, but as Janet thought she saw jealousy flash behind his eyes, she felt a spark of hope carry over her.  
  
“He was someone that I saw for a very short time,” Janet admitted honestly, “but when it came down to it, he wasn’t really interested in me. He was more concerned about his career, but unlike what happened with you, I found a way to help him in his career instead of destroying it.”  
  
“Yeah, um about that,” Jack cleared his throat uneasily, “I was hoping that we could talk.”  
  
“Can’t do it,” Janet shook her head firmly, “I’m busy right now.”  
  
“I can see that,” Jack replied with an air of sarcasm in his tone as he looked around the diner. “Come on. Five minutes.”  
  
She let out a small laugh, “Gee that’s come up a lot in my life lately Jack.”  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he tipped his head to the side with that same pensive expression on his face she’d grown accustomed to.   
  
In that instant her heart fluttered as she was certain he could see right through her as he always had. With the way his eyes searched hers, she feared that he would be able to read her like a book and know what was bothering her. Although she hadn’t said anything, she was certain if she spent enough time with him he would know what she hadn’t said and somehow it would all come out wrong. Instead of allowing it to get to that, she tried another approach.  
  
“Jack, can you go check on Libby?” she questioned lowering her voice a bit. “Can you make sure that she’s with Brad and she’s alright?”  
  
“Why? What’s going on?” Jack asked again quickly picking up on her evasiveness.  
  
“I just…” she strained to find the right words. “Please Jack just check on Libby for me.”  
  
“Fine, but only if you agree to meet with me after so we can talk,” he pleaded with her watching as she nodded.  
  
“Okay, I promise,” she agreed leaning forward ready to give him a kiss goodbye, but instead she stopped herself and stood up straighter remembering that they were on the offs with one another. “Please just make sure she’s alright.”  
  
“Okay,” he agreed giving her one last look before he left the diner giving Janet more time to think about the life she’d lead and the past that was undoubtedly trying to work it’s way back to her all over again.  
  
*****************  
  
Jack made his way to the elevators at the hotel Janet was staying at. While he’d wanted to talk with her earlier, there was something about the urgency in her tone that had him worried about her. The man at the diner had left him feeling unsettled when Jack had watched the way that the man had grabbed Janet. There was a familiarity in the touch, a tone in his voice that had left Jack wondering about the history between the two, but more so it only further reminded Jack of what a fool he’d been to end things so abruptly with Janet. Yes, maybe he’d been on his way over to plead with her to take him back, but it wasn’t the right moment. Even now as he stood in the low budget hotel Janet was staying in, he wondered if this was the right setting to share his heart with her as well.  
  
“It’s now or never,” he heard a voice remind him as he stepped off of the elevator and onto the floor Janet was on.   
  
While she’d promised to meet with him after work, he’d discovered that she’d left the diner early after he’d called to tell her about Brad taking Liberty with him and Katie on a camping trip. She’d sounded relieved, but she’d been abrupt with Jack insisting that they’d have to talk another time. He knew that was a clear sign of something being wrong and now as he stood outside her hotel room door, he wondered why he’d been so quick to throw her out in the first place. This hotel was a place where he’d come to arrest a few unsavory criminals in the past and hardly fitting for Janet, but hopefully that would change after they had a talk with one another.  
  
“If she’s here,” Jack frowned knocking on the door again hoping that she would answer, but much to his dismay he was met by silence. Fear coiled through him as he thought of how he’d used a few favors to discover where she was. He’d hoped to surprise her, but after a couple of minutes of knocking, it was clear she wasn’t there.  
  
“Where are you?” Jack questioned turning towards the elevators again ready to go off in search of Janet when the elevator doors opened and she stood before him with a surprised expression on her face.  
  
“Jack,” she gasped as she stepped forward and nearly stumbled into his arms.  
  
“Hey,” he moved forward, catching her before she could fall. He wrapped her up in his arms, his dark eyes finding their way to hers before his gaze dropped down to her full, luscious lips.  
  
“What are you…what are you doing here?” she asked breathlessly as he hugged her in closer to him.  
  
“Looking for you,” he replied with a teasing grin. He reached out to her, pushing a piece of her long, dark hair away from her eyes, “Isn’t that obvious?”  
  
“I really don’t think that you should be here,” Janet cleared her throat uneasily as she attempted to pick herself up and out of his arms.  
  
“And neither should you,” Jack announced without hesitance.  
  
“Yeah, well right now it’s all I can afford considering that,” she started to explain herself, but Jack knew that wouldn’t ease the awkwardness of the situation. They could dance circles around one another all night and play games, but even with the concern he felt for her, he knew he needed to get straight to the point.  
  
“I’ve missed you more than you can imagine,” Jack blurted out, stepping forward and backing her into the elevator once again.   
  
The doors closed behind them, but it was irrelevant to Jack as his mouth came crashing down over hers, wanting nothing more than to let his kisses reveal to her the depths of his emotions. His words had fallen flat, but his lips dipped down to hers in a tender display of what his heart had wanted to say to her from the moment she’d left the farm. He heard the sound of her purse crashing to the floor, but before she could protest as Jack anticipated, he felt her arms slide around his shoulders drawing him in against her.  
  
“Janet,” he whispered her name as they parted. He pressed his forehead against hers feeling her lean back against the elevator wall as he held onto her, “I’ve missed you.”  
  
“I’ve missed you too Jack,” she confessed with a tiny flutter of a whisper. Her lips parted further and she let out a shivering exhale, “More than you can imagine.”  
  
“Why in the world did I think that you leaving was going to do anything, but make me miserable?” he questioned more so to himself than anything as he held onto her.   
  
He pulled back just enough to trace her bottom lip with his index finger before smiling down at her. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch as he thought about what he’d said to Carly about Janet. In that moment he couldn’t believe he’d spent so much time contemplating how right they were for one another when the answer was plainly obvious. Janet was absolutely the last thing he was looking for in his life, yet he’d discovered she was the only woman he couldn’t live without.  
  
“I never wanted to make you miserable Jack. I’m sorry about what happened with your job,” she whispered desperately, her eyes reopening to reveal the tears that she’d fought to suppress. “I never, ever wanted you to lose everything like that when…”  
  
“I made the choice. I was the one who crossed the line Janet and rather than sticking to my guns, I made a mistake. It was easy for me to be angry with everyone else, but when it gets down to it, I’m the one responsible for my actions. I have to live with my choices even if they aren’t ones I’m happy about,” he sighed thinking about how losing his role as a detective was going to bring up a huge void in his life. Still as he thought about all the other things he’d been neglecting in his life, he realized that perhaps fate was trying to give him a second chance at starting over even if it wasn’t what he thought he’d wanted.  
  
“Even so I kept encouraging you to ease up on Brad and…” Janet began again only to have him lean forward to kiss her again.  
  
“It’s not your fault. It was never your fault,” Jack cupped her face in his hands as his eyes found hers once again. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way Janet.”  
  
“Jack I,” Janet bit back on her words as his thumb skimmed over her cheek wiping at her tears.  
  
“You’re incredible Janet,” Jack whispered leaning forward to kiss her damp cheeks. His lips grazed over her forehead, down to the tip of her nose before claiming her lips again hungrily, “I need you.”  
  
“I need you too, but…” she hesitated as their eyes met once more.  
  
“I’m sorry Janet. I’m sorry that I couldn’t say all the things I wanted to earlier. I wish like hell I could take so many things back that happened between us, but I know I can’t. I realize that I hurt you with my actions. I know you have every reason in the world to want to give up on me, but I can promise you that if you give me another chance, then I will do everything in my power to make you happy. I’ll do all that I can to prove to you that I’m worthy of your love,” Jack pleaded with her.  
  
“I’m the one that’s not worthy Jack. You’re a wonderful man with a good heart. You deserve the best and I know that I’m not even close to that considering who I am. Carly was right when she said you deserved the world. You really do Jack and…” Janet whimpered in response.  
  
“I have that with you Janet,” Jack assured her with a hint of a smile creasing over his lips. “You make me want to be a better man. You make me happy Janet--really happy.”  
  
“You make me happy too Jack, but I’m not at all the kind of woman you need in your life. I make stupid mistakes and impulsive decisions and kind of just blurt out whatever is on the front of my mind and…” she started to ramble on nervously.  
  
“Hmm, well you must be having an influence on me because I’m thinking about doing the same starting with saying that I love you,” Jack confessed openly, his grin expanding with the words.  
  
“I realize you’re saying that, but…” she paused after a few seconds in finally taking in his words, “What did you just say?”  
  
“I love you Janet,” Jack repeated again with more conviction in his tone. “It took losing you to make me realize just how close to having it all we were with one another. Time and time again you’ve been there when I needed you, but I’ve never told you just how very much you’ve impacted my life. Maybe I was afraid to say it because I’ve been down that road before and had my heart broken, but there was no excuse for not letting you feel it before now.”  
  
“Jack,” Janet started again as he pulled away from her.  
  
“Janet Ciccone, you have turned my world around from the moment you first told me off at the diner. I thought you were spunky, beautiful and I wondered what in the world someone like you would see in someone like my brother. He never deserved you and even though I’m glad you have Liberty, a part of me is happy that Brad wasn’t smart enough to see just what he let slip through his fingers all those years ago. You’re beautiful, loving, generous, wonderful and…”  
  
“Pregnant,” Janet blurted out as she braced herself against the elevator wall. Her brow tensed as she took in another breath catching him completely off guard. “I’m also pregnant Jack.”   
  



	4. Chapter 4

A nervous breath built in the back of Janet’s throat as she braced herself for Jack’s reaction to the news she had just thrown upon him. Granted she’d never been good at dealing with relationships especially when the word commitment came around the corner. Usually the conversation ended with a slamming door or a trip to the emergency room when she’d overstepped her boundaries with the wrong man, but never before had she been in the position to tell the right man about something as important as his impending journey into fatherhood all over again. Sure, she’d been down this road before with Bradley when she’d learned she was having Liberty, but she’d taken the coward’s way out. She’d realized that Bradley never really loved her when she saw him with another girl, but Jack was different. Jack was a stand up guy who longed to do the right thing in his life. He prided himself on his ability to be the man to step up and stick to his moral code even if it cost him. This time Janet was certain it would feel like the ultimate price to pay and she feared what this news was going to do to him.   
  
Covering, Janet cleared her throat again and pressed her hands flat up against the elevator wall behind her in an attempt to block herself from whatever words may fall from his ever so kissable lips now that she’d thrown the biggest complication of all upon him. She arched her head back and tried to read his eyes, but nothing was clear as he stood before her looking stunned and astounded by her words.  
  
“I’m pregnant Jack,” Janet repeated shakily feeling herself tremble all over as she took in another breath. “I know that right now the last thing you need in your life is another complication and believe me that wasn’t at all my intention in all of this when we started with one another considering that you and I were really just looking for fun in the beginning and…”  
  
Jack stepped back, his dark eyes sweeping over her in an intense gaze that left her wondering what was happening behind the eyes she’d lost herself in time and time again. Was he excited? Was he terrified? Was he disappointed that she’d thrown another wrench into his future plans by giving him the last thing he wanted in his life or maybe just maybe could he be a little bit thrilled like she had been for the brief, fleeting moments before fear and uncertainty had carried over her? His silence revealed nothing and as Janet found herself thinking the worst, she knew that she had to find a way to dig herself out of the hole she was clearly pulling herself down into.  
  
“Look, I just want you to know that I’m not asking anything of you Jack considering that obviously you thought that you were playing by the rules in using protection, which in most cases is something that obviously does the trick for the majority of people. I just so happen to have this certain kind of luck that pulls me out of the majority and into the minority so to speak especially in this situation, which by the way is something that I’m going to take care of with or without you given that…” Janet continued to ramble on, bringing her fingers up through her long, dark hair as she cleared her throat uneasily.  
  
“What do you mean take care of?” Jack frowned snapping out of the daze Janet realized he’d been in.  
  
“Well, with the whole parenthood thing. I mean I know you’re probably thinking that I’m going to be following you around like a lost little puppy dog or be trying to make you miserable with the whole responsibility speech, but I can assure you that I’m okay at this single parent thing. I’ve done it once before and I can do it again. Sure, maybe I’m not exactly in the best position financially, but who says that you have to be completely loaded to have a child. Well, not loaded in the sense of being drunk or anything, but wealthy and rich if you will and…”  
  
“Janet stop,” Jack interrupted shaking his head at her, “Please just take a breath.”  
  
“I’m trying Jack, but it’s just so complicated now that,” Janet felt a shiver carry over her. Her dark eyes focused on the corner of the elevator far away from the man that was standing before her as her heart sank.  
  
“He doesn’t want this baby. He doesn‘t want you now especially after you seem like you‘re trying to rope him in,” Janet heard that inner nagging voice of self doubt carry over her.   
  
She looked up at Jack briefly and felt her heart sink. He’d said he loved her, but that was before he knew what he was thinking. It had to be their sexual chemistry talking and not his heart. There was no way that he could really want someone like her in his life when she was, well simply a train wreck. He’d been down that road before with Carly, who was twice the woman she was and now she could just feel his disappointment carry over the confines of the elevator.  
  
“We have a lot to talk about,” Jack broke through her thoughts stepping forward.   
  
She felt his fingers brush against her cheek urging her to meet his soulful brown eyes all over again. She braced herself for what she might discover behind their depths, but instead of the contempt she’d anticipated, she felt an unfamiliar warmth behind them. It wasn’t that Jack wasn’t capable of that kind of emotion given that he was the closest breath of love she‘d ever experienced in her life beside having Libby, but she’d feared that he wouldn’t see her the same when she delivered the weight of their situation to him.  
  
“I know we do,” she confessed in a muted tone as the elevator doors opened revealing the lobby beyond where they stood.  
  
“We can’t do that here,” Jack admitted curling his finger underneath her chin tenderly. “This isn’t the place.”  
  
“You’re right,” she nodded quickly, biting down on her lower lip as she fought to contain the tears that threatened to overtake her.  
  
“Let’s go outside,” Jack suggested motioning to the doors beyond them out in the lobby.  
  
She nodded in agreement feeling herself at a loss for words. She felt him lace their fingers together before he guided her out of the smoke scented lobby. She glanced around the lobby where she suspected the unsavory patrons were watching them with heavy scrutiny no doubt trying to assess the situation between her and Jack. Given the kind of clientele that appeared to frequent the area, she anticipated most of them believed she was some kind of working girl about to be dismissed by her client. In some ways she couldn’t help but wonder if she was about to be given the boot, but she held her head up high and braced herself for whatever it was Jack had in mind for the both of them.   
  
When he opened up the passenger side door to his car, she moved inside and obliged to his silent request. When he walked around the car and got in behind the wheel, she wasn’t sure where they were going, but for the time being she was going to go with the moment. After all, she wasn’t sure how many moments she was going to have left with him after this. Even if this was the end, she was going to hold onto it for what short moments she had remaining with him.   
  
Her dark eyes found their way to his hand on the seat beside her. She wanted to reach for it, wanted to savor the warmth of his skin against hers, but she knew better. She longed to lean forward to kiss him and whisper all the things she’d thought about doing to him during their time apart, but now was not the time.   
  
It may never be the time, she realized poignantly as she turned her attention to the world beyond the warm confines of Jack’s car. She watched the storm clouds rising overhead and she let out a sigh realizing that this was just another day in the life for Janet Ciccone undoubtedly leading towards yet another great disappointment one way or the other. It seemed fate wasn’t ready to give her something to believe in just yet.  
  
*****************  
  
Jack turned down the winding road to the left wondering why he couldn’t just say what had been running through his mind from the moment Janet had revealed the truth to him about her pregnancy. In that moment he’d been hit by a million emotions and even more thoughts about what their relationship would mean to them and more so to the life they’d created with one another. In a flash, he’d seen his past, his present and his future falling before his eyes. Everything that had been so very defined before in black and white was clouded by an uncertainty. It was something that Jack hadn’t prepared for, but he should’ve learned by now that life wasn’t about preparation and planning it all out. If it had been, he’d be a far different man than he was today. He would’ve been a cop and a husband and…  
  
“Jack, where are we going?” Janet questioned breaking him from his thoughts as he realized that she was still in the car beside him.  
  
He’d been surrounded so completely in his thoughts that he hadn’t really given his destination much consideration. Granted he’d had a plan when he’d arrived to pick up Janet, but it, much like their lives, had changed. Now as he was on autopilot driving down the streets of Oakdale, he knew that he had to pull himself together or risk losing it all forever.   
  
Glancing over at Janet, he fought for the right words. He felt them on the tip of his tongue, but like before he’d realized none of them felt right. Nothing would be as good as what she deserved. He couldn’t speak from his heart without making it sound contrived in that moment. She deserved fireworks and candlelight--to be romanced and lead to see that she was the most perfect, wonderful woman he’d ever known, but he’d blown it with impulse. Even now he wished he could go back to that elevator and speak from his heart with the same passion and life that Janet carried with her. It was part of what had made her so very beautiful to him. It was only a fraction of what he loved about her, but it was something that made him long to be a better man.  
  
“We’re almost there,” he promised in a muted tone, his eyes focusing on the road again.  
  
“Okay,” she replied with an air of disappointment in her tone.  
  
Jack realized she was undoubtedly disappointed by his reaction to her news. He’d left her with more questions than answers and now as he drove along, he knew he was making it worse. He’d come over to clear the air between them and all he managed to do was further the tension building around them. Silently he slid his fingers across the seat and covered her hand with his. He offered up a small squeeze before pulling the car up into the driveway before them.  
  
“We’re here,” Jack confessed putting the car into park. He pulled his keys out of the ignition and turned to her with a hint of a smirk upon his lips. “Care to take a closer look?”  
  
“Where are we…?” she couldn’t help but ask as Jack stepped out of the car to open the door for her.  
  
“You’ll see,” he replied cryptically.  
  
He offered her his hand as he pulled her out of the car and into his arms. She fell forward against his chest and in that moment a spark of electricity built between them. His gaze dropped down to her full, pouting lips and he leaned forward tempted to steal a kiss from her.  
  
“That’s not much of an answer,” Janet frowned turning away from the kiss much to his dismay.  
  
“I deserve that,” Jack sighed stepping back just enough to give her the space she needed in the moment.  
  
“Look Jack, I know you said we needed to talk somewhere, but I don’t understand why you brought me to some strange place when you could’ve broken up with me anywhere. You could’ve done it in public at a place I knew so that I could at least find my way back to the hotel with a little bit of my dignity in tact when…,” Janet began with an exaggerated groan.  
  
Jack pulled the keys he’d carried with him for most of the afternoon out of his pocket and dangled them in the air before her. He couldn’t help but smile at her as he offered them up to her.  
  
“How about we go inside? I‘ll even let you open the door.” he suggested placing the key in the palm of her hand.  
  
“Why would I want to open the door when…” Janet fell to silence as Jack reached for her once again.  
  
“I thought maybe you’d like to be the first one to take a look at the three bedrooms and a fireplace, but maybe I was wrong considering that…” Jack started unable to conceal the grin that spread over his features.  
  
“Three bedrooms and a fireplace?” she repeated tipping her head to the side and giving him a strange look.  
  
“It’s awfully big to be a bachelor pad you know,” Jack continued taking the initiative to collect her in his arms despite her earlier protests, “especially considering that this place just cries out Janet Ciccone.”  
  
“It does not,” she wrinkled her nose at him.  
  
“It most certainly does. You’re the one that found it and I don’t think I can bring myself to go in there unless I know that you’ll be sharing it with me,” he explained in a soft, sensual whisper.   
  
His lips skimmed over the side of her neck contemplating dipping down to taste her soft skin when thunder roared overhead. In an instant they were surrounded by a downpour of rain soaking them from head to toe.   
  
Janet squealed and retracted from his embrace while taking the keys with her. He watched her rush to the door and with a laugh he followed her inside to the waiting fireplace in the family room now providing a warm contrast to the chill the rain had carried over them. Although he wasn’t quite sure how this surprise would go, he closed the door behind him certain that he would find a way to say and do the most important thing the right way once and for all before the night was over.  
  
*****************  
  
  
“I don’t understand,” Janet confessed watching the fire crackling in the fireplace before her.  
  
She brought her hand up feeling her long, dark hair sticking to her face. She ran her fingers through it in an attempt to straighten it up before she spun around to see Jack leaning up against the archway to the family room leaning in a casual stance with his arms folded in front of his chest. His eyes followed her every movement causing the tiny butterflies that carried over her to stir up all over again. She fidgeted with her hair once again realizing how awful she had to have looked in that moment.  
  
“How hard is it to figure out? You wanted the place and we talked about getting it, so I thought it was time,” he shrugged his shoulders. “I couldn’t mooch off of Emma forever, right?”  
  
“Well, no, but…” Janet took in her surroundings all over again.  
  
“I realize that there’s not much to go on at this point, but I have a table in the kitchen and in one of the bedrooms,” he paused as their eyes connected once again, “well maybe we should go into the kitchen for now.”  
  
“Jack wait,” she insisted as he motioned for her to follow him. “What are we doing here?”  
  
“Exploring our new place,” he shrugged his shoulders again. “Don’t you like it?”  
  
“Our new place? As in our house together?” Janet eyed him suspiciously wondering if she’d stepped into some kind of twisted dream world where Jack went from confusing her only to tease her with the thoughts of a fairy tale life that neither one of them were clearly meant for. Sure they’d talked about the house before, but then everything had fallen apart. After that nothing had been certain.  
  
“That was the general idea unless of course you don’t want to live with me in which case I guess I‘ll have to go back to the farm, but…,” Jack nodded again only adding more confusion to the questions in her mind.  
  
“Why are you doing this?” she asked uneasily, her heart filling with hope and possibility of what such a bold gesture could mean from Jack.   
  
He hadn’t said anything about the pregnancy, yet they were standing in the center of the house that they’d planned on looking into with one another. They were right smack in the center of the place where they’d hoped to build a new life together in before he’d lost his job. They were at the heart of the new dreams they’d wanted to explore before their world fell apart, but now it seemed so far away.  
  
“Ciccone, I would’ve thought that it was plainly obvious,” Jack sighed making a small movement towards her.  
  
“Jack, we went from being split up, to barely speaking to one another and now…” she reminded him knowing she’d be a fool to make light of all that had transpired in their time apart.  
  
“We’re exactly where we should be with one another,” he confessed with an air of sincerity in his tone.  
  
“Are we?” she challenged pushing her hair away from her face before matching his movement.  
  
“This was what we’d wanted together Janet,” Jack nodded stepping closer to her.  
  
“That was before you lost your job,” she paused feeling another thought overtake her, “which is all the more reason why we shouldn’t be here. You can’t afford this considering that you are out of work and…”  
  
“I can afford it just fine,” Jack hesitated for a moment, “Okay, so maybe it might be a little bit of a stretch considering the investment I had to make, but with a roommate I’m sure I could pull together enough finances to make it work.”  
  
“Jack, I’m being serious,” she frowned as she stood before him, her heart pulsing in her chest as their eyes connected again.  
  
“So am I,” he confessed curling his arm around her waist in a surprising movement.   
  
He crushed her into his chest as his fingers eased through her damp hair. Tugging lightly on her dark tresses, he arched her head back enough just to urge her to meet his gaze once again. His lips descended over hers, a breath away from a kiss as they stood together in the center of the nearly empty family room.  
  
“Especially now that we’ve got three of us to work with,” he cracked a grin before dipping down to kiss her tenderly.  
  
“Jack,” Janet pulled back, bringing her fingers over his shoulders in an attempt to put a distance between them.  
  
“You’re having my baby,” Jack whispered proudly, his eyes lighting up with the realization that fell upon his lips. “We’re having a baby Janet.”  
  
She nodded, biting down on her lower lip, “That’s what they tell me.”  
  
“We’re really doing this,” Jack’s eyes twinkled with delight, “You and I are…”  
  
“Complicating life I know, but…” Janet fought to contain the tears that carried over her.  
  
“This is the kind of complication that I’ve needed,” Jack brushed his thumb against her cheek, wiping at her tears.  
  
He dipped forward to steal a kiss from her lips before placing another soft kiss against her damp cheeks. He cupped her face in his hands before his lips traced over her forehead, down over the bridge of her nose until finally meeting her mouth again lovingly.   
  
She whimpered against the movement, arching up into him as his kiss rocked her to the core. His arms surrounded her, his hands pressed in against the small of her back stirring up a whole new set of sensations inside of her. She felt his fingertips trace over the hem of her blouse before pushing up underneath to touch her soft skin.  
  
“You aren’t disappointed?” she questioned nervously as he pushed the material of her blouse up over her abdomen.  
  
“In you?” he shook his head. “Never.”  
  
“In us?” she asked uneasy.  
  
“Absolutely not although I might be ashamed of myself very soon all over again for waiting this long to tell you I love you,” he whispered, his words buzzing over her lips again.  
  
“I love you too Jack,” she confessed unable to contain the emotions that brought her to a heaving, sobbing mess before him. She tried to hold back, but her tears were breaking loose faster than she could work to keep them hidden. She pulled back. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“For what?” he questioned worriedly.  
  
“For thinking that I could be strong about any of this,” she wiped at her cheeks in a feeble attempt to banish the tears that had overtaken her.  
  
“Janet, I pride myself on being in control, but nothing about being with you has me feeling that way anymore. I thought that this was something we could both enter into and not change, but I was wrong. You changed my life in ways I never anticipated, but now that you have Janet I don’t want to ever go back to the man I was before,” he reached for her hand placing it over his heart. “You make me whole for the first time in a long time Janet and I can’t live without you.”  
  
“Jack,” she couldn’t help but smile feeling his words warm her heart all over again.  
  
“I know that I’ve been giving you more grief than you deserve, but I meant what I said when I told you that you made me a better man Ciccone. You’ve taught me how to kick back and relax enough to enjoy life. You make me laugh. You have me smiling and feeling things that I’ve never felt before,” his gaze dropped down to her abdomen all over again. “You make me want to be the kind of man that you can turn to when you need him to be by your side.”  
  
“You are that man Jack. You’re more than I ever deserved in my life and everything I ever could’ve wanted and then some,” she brought her hand up against the side of his face.  
  
She felt him lean into her touch as he closed his eyes savoring the moment between them. His damp hair stuck to his face and she couldn’t help but smile. Even soaking wet he had the same boyishly handsome charm that had won her over early on when they’d first met. He was absolutely everything she’d never believed that she deserved in her life, yet longed to have for as long as she could remember.  
  
“I’ve been thinking about that night at Yo’s,” he admitted with a sheepish grin, “about our dance…”  
  
“Oh boy,” she couldn’t help but laugh at the memory, “You mean when we were making fools of ourselves together?”  
  
“I don’t see it that way,” Jack laughed.  
  
He stepped back and walked over to the hallway they’d entered in moments earlier. He disappeared behind the wall before returning with a tiny boom box in his hands. He set it down on the floor before reaching into his pants pocket and pulling out a cassette tape case.  
  
“To go with the eighties era,” Jack laughed lightly opening the case the tape was in. He bent down to put it into the player before winking up at her. “I’m sure the kids would say I’m ancient for pulling this out of storage, but it felt fitting.”  
  
“Very fitting,” Janet laughed lightly seeing him stand up and approach her.  
  
“I know it’s not our song, but may I have this dance?” he questioned extending his arm out to her.  
  
She gave him a long once over, contemplating her response before finally throwing anything quirky she might have to say out the window. Eagerly she accepted his hand and eased readily into his arms with a nod.  
  
“I hope you like Madonna,” Jack whispered pulling her in closer to him as the ballad began to play.  
  
“Well, she does happen to have a reputation for being outspoken like yours truly and has great last name so I’ve been told,” Janet teased bringing her head in against his shoulder as the music carried over the moment. She closed her eyes feeling the warmth of his chest beneath her as he started to sing along.  
  
“Swaying room as the music starts. Strangers making the most of the dark,” Jack slurred into her ear.  
  
Janet perked her head up to meet his eyes curiously.  
  
“I didn’t know you were a closet Madonna fan,” Janet could help but giggle as he touched her cheek lightly.  
  
“What can I say? I have this thing for Ciccone women that gets me inspired to break into extroverted mode,” Jack winked down at her before continuing to sing the song, “You're so close but still a world away. What I'm dying to say, is that I'm crazy for you…”  
  
“Oh Jack,” Janet melted into his arms, finding himself falling for her with each passing second as they moved together.  
  
“I am you know,” Jack finally confessed as the music ended and gave way to another more pop oriented song on the cassette. “I’m crazy for you Janet Ciccone. Everything about loving you has me stepping into uncharted territory and yet I wouldn‘t have it any other way.”  
  
“Neither would I,” Janet smiled tipping up on her toes to kiss him as it seemed that her run of bad luck was finally coming to an end now that she had a second chance at happily ever after with the one man she’d waited a lifetime to find. Maybe just maybe this time things would work out after all with Jack by her side.   
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

  
Janet rolled over in bed only to discover emptiness beside her. Even in the darkness she couldn’t help but find her eyes searching for any sign of the man she’d made love to hours before she’d drifted off to sleep. He’d promised that they would talk about things further in the morning light, but right now an overwhelming fear consumed her. Something told her that she needed to see him. She needed to feel his arms around her and as a chill carried over her, she felt a breath catch in her throat.  
  
“Jack?” she questioned uneasily whispering his name.  
  
She pushed the blankets away from her legs, feeling the cool night air upon her as her feet hit the ground. Reaching for her robe, she draping it around her body before turning towards the door. She walked to the staircase, feeling an uncomfortable sensation prickling over her skin. With each step she made towards the faint light at the end of the staircase, she felt her heart hammering in her chest.  
  
“Something’s wrong,” an inner voice warned as she reached the bottom of the steps. With fear inside of her, she spoke up again, “Jack, where are you?”  
  
She turned towards the family room seeing the flickering flame of the fireplace burning before her in the distance. She stepped in closer to the archway noticing a shadow on the ground and her stomach tangled with knots. Her footsteps echoed and creaked on the wooden floor with each small movement she made towards the shadow. Her eyes fought to adjust to the darkness in spite of the warm flame of the fire and she looked down to discover Jack on the ground before her with his back to her.  
  
“Jack,” she spoke his name again, nudging him with her foot ever so slightly. “Hey…”  
  
She nudged him again feeling him fall back onto the floor before her. Gasping she discovered something moist and thick beneath her toes. Crouching down she noticed the thick blackened line across his forehead. It didn’t register at first, but through the darkness she realized it was blood. A scream fell from her lips as she reached out to him touching his face worriedly.  
  
“Jack, can you hear me? Jack,” she gasped in a panic feeling no response from him. His face was cold and his eyes were open, but they were devoid of any life as he lay on the ground before her.  
  
“No,” Janet cried out feeling a hand on her shoulder.  
  
“Did you really think that I’d let you go so easily? That you could actually have a normal life after what you did to mine?” she heard a low, raspy whisper carry over her.   
  
A moment later a pair of thick, dangerous hands squeezed around her neck stealing her breath. The fingers tightened with each passing second constricting until her lungs felt as if they were going to pop. She fought for air, but there was nothing she could do to avoid her fate. There was nothing she could say to free herself as he’d found her again.  
  
“No!” Janet screamed in horror as her eyes snapped open.  
  
She found herself in a panic sitting up and gasping for air. Bringing her hands over her neck to fend off the attacker that had haunted her in the darkness, Janet felt her skin on fire. Her body was filled with prickling sensations and as she felt a hand upon her shoulder she screamed louder than before.  
  
“Janet,” she heard Jack’s weary voice call her name to pull her out of the nightmare that had consumed her.  
  
Turning towards him, Janet could see his dark eyes upon her. His fingers curled over her shoulder, hoping to pull her back down to reality again, but the dream had felt too real. Even surrounded by the waking hours, Janet could clearly see Jack’s lifeless face from her dream before her. She reached out to him, bringing her hand over his cheek and feeling warmth against her touch.  
  
“You’re still here,” she breathed trying to still the racing of her heart. She touched his cheek, her finger lingering to his lips as she felt a breath escape from his lips to alert her that he was really still with her.  
  
“It was just a dream,” Jack whispered supportively as his hand found it’s way to the side of her face. He pushed his fingers through her dark hair as she burst into tears.  
  
“No, it was more than that. It was…” she trailed off unable to complete the sentence as she leaned forward readily into his open arms.  
  
“It’s okay,” Jack offered up soothingly as his fingers pressed over the bare skin of her spine.  
  
“Just hold me,” she pleaded closing her eyes tightly while sinking into the warm, muscular planes of his chest.  
  
“Alright,” he nodded resting his chin on the top of her head as she found herself overcome with a new fear about a life that she had prayed would never return to her ever again. Now it seemed there would be no more escaping that even with Jack by her side.  
  
****************  
  
Carly looked around the bar thinking about the night she’d put behind her. Although she’d told Henry that she could be fine on her own closing things down, she had to admit it was eerily quiet after the club had emptied out. It almost made her wish she would have kept Henry around a little bit longer just to hear one of his random musings that had entertained her in those moments of boredom that had carried over her more often than not. Then again she was looking for any kind of distraction now that life had slowed down to a painful crawl for her. It was bad enough that she was trying to play devil’s advocate in help Jack figure things out in his newly inspired love life, but then to add to it, she was still reeling from her affair with Holden. That in itself had reminded her why she needed to stay away from most everyone around town currently. Sure, it wasn’t an easy task with running Metro, but she’d been good at staying out of the way of conflict. For now anyways.  
  
“But now you can go home, relax and dwell on how you’re doing the right thing for everyone else,” she mouthed to herself wiping at the top of the bar. “Isn’t life grand?”  
  
She let out a frustrated groan returning to her work again as she heard a noise over by the front door. Looking up she spotted a dark haired man in a long, black trench coat wiping at his sleeve. She stood up taller and eyed him with intense scrutiny wondering what wrong turn had landed him right smack dab in the middle of her club.  
  
“Can I help you?” she questioned expectantly, while wrinkling her nose at him.  
  
“It’s raining like you wouldn’t believe out there,” he explained making a small movement towards the bar. His green eyes surveyed the area for a moment before he slid onto one of the stools. “I take it this is a slow night around here, huh? Unless of course this is to be considered a busy night in this town, in which case I feel sorry for the owner.”  
  
“That makes two of us,” Carly couldn’t help but blurt out setting her rag aside as she sized him up. She gave him a long once over, noting the weathered lines of his handsome face when his green eyes met hers again. “It’s actually closing time however.”  
  
“Surely you can make an exception for a paying customer,” the man half pleaded reaching into his pocket to pull out his wallet. “What do you say?”  
  
“I think the owner might not take to my allowing strangers to come in here making off the wall demands during the after hours,” she arched a curious brow still trying to size him up.  
  
A grin swept over his features as he placed his large hand on the counter top, “I’m sure we could keep this our little secret.”  
  
“I don’t know. Secrets have a way of returning to bite you in the butt in this town or haven‘t you got the memo yet?” she leaned in closer to him with a glint of amusement behind her eyes.   
  
“I must’ve missed that one,” he teased with a wink.  
  
“You’d better start paying more attention if you want to survive here,” she shrugged giving him another long once over. Although she was certain she should be suspicious or at the very least bit weary of his attire, something told her that there was more to the story than met the eye. Finally she stood up straighter and reached for a glass. “What will it be for you?”  
  
“How about a beer?” he suggested sliding out of his trench coat and placing it on the bar stool beside him.  
  
“Nah, you don’t strike me as a beer kind of guy,” she shook her head in refusal. “You strike me as a vodka straight up kind of guy although I do have to ask if the bureau knows you’re drinking on the job.”  
  
“I’m off the clock,” he let out a small laugh before reaching for the drink she’d poured him. “So I’m that obvious huh?”  
  
“You g-men always have a certain kind of look,” she nodded in confession. “I should know because I was married to one once upon a time.”  
  
“Is that right? What‘s his name?” he raised his drink to his lips. “Maybe I know him.”  
  
“Nah, it was a long time ago for Jack,” she shook her head again, “but for what it’s worth I can always tell the type when I see it.”  
  
“What do you mean the type?” he set his glass down once again.  
  
“Oh I don’t know the dark and mysterious brooding type. You have all the warning signals,” she waved her hand around in the air. “You can spot them a mile away.”  
  
“I suppose the same could be said for bartenders. They think their intuition is always dead on once you walk in through the doors,” he countered with a hint of a grin creasing over his lips. “They size you up before you even sit down at the bar.”  
  
“It’s good practice in keeping things running smoothly,” she informed him with a smile of her own. “It’s good for business.”  
  
“So is having a beautiful bartender,” he replied with a hint of flirting in his tone. “The owner of this place must be smarter than I gave him credit for earlier.”  
  
“I happen to think the owner’s very smart indeed,” she grinned proudly as she leaned in on her side of the bar. “So tell me Mr. FBI man what brings you here to Oakdale? Business or pleasure?”  
  
“A woman,” he confessed with a long sigh, “but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be bored with the details of this story.”  
  
“It’s part of the job requirement,” Carly informed him with a wave of her hand. “It keeps life interesting.”  
  
“Or plays into the voyeuristic tendencies that bartenders seem to have,” he replied with a playful smirk.  
  
“Now who is being judgmental?” she frowned over at him.  
  
“Just calling it like I see it, but I don’t mind entertaining you since it looks like you could use a little spice in your life,” he decided with a casual shrug of his shoulders.  
  
“I’ve had plenty of spice, so in that respect you’re wrong. I’d much rather the relaxed and laid back lifestyle,” she shook her head in refusal.  
  
“Now I know you’re in denial,” he laughed openly, “because you don’t strike me as the quiet, homebody type.”  
  
“I never said anything about being quiet, but then again this wasn’t really about me,” she reminded him once again as she brought her fingers up through her loose blonde ringlets. “We were talking about this woman that brought you to Oakdale.”  
  
“Straight to the point, aren’t you?” he laughed.  
  
“I’ve learned that’s the only way to be if you plan on getting anywhere,” she informed him with a sudden seriousness in her tone.  
  
“In that case, I’m Jason. Jason Grant,” he held his hand out to her across the bar.  
  
“Well Jason Grant it’s nice to meet you even if you’re avoiding my questions,” she accepted his hand with a smile. “I’m Carly. Carly Tenney.”  
  
  
****************  
  
Silently Jack held Janet in his arms trying to process what it was that had pulled her from the satiated state they’d been in with one another after their dancing downstairs had lead to lovemaking. Now as he held her close to him on the center of the air mattress he had put in the bedroom before bringing her over, he couldn’t help but wonder what had frightened her so much to pull her from her dream.  
  
“Janet,” he spoke her name gently, running his fingers through her long, dark hair as his eyes fell upon her, “talk to me.”  
  
“I can’t,” she shook her head furiously, “I’m sorry Jack, but I just can’t.”  
  
“Yes you can,” he reached out to her urging her to meet his eyes once again. He stroked her cheek gently, his brown eyes searching hers for any sign of what was troubling her as he kept her close to him. “Tell me what’s going on.”  
  
“I don’t deserve any of this,” Janet tried to straighten herself up as she shifted over him. “You’re too good for me Jack and having me in your life is only going to cause you problems in the long run.”  
  
“I think I’m the one who should be the judge of that,” Jack tipped his head to the side and eyed her intently. “Besides, it’s not about you and I anymore. It’s about what’s best for all of us.”  
  
“Having me in your life isn’t going to be good for you. I can see that now,” Janet bit down on her lower lip nervously. “You’re better off without me.”  
  
“Now wait just a second,” Jack frowned over at her as she tensed up in his arms. “After everything that’s happened between us tonight alone, why would you say that?”  
  
“Because it’s true,” Janet pulled away from him, bringing thin sheet over her with the movement. “You are such a good guy and the last thing you need is more drama in your life. You need someone who can offer you more than I can Jack. I‘ve known that for a while now but…”  
  
“Janet, in case you haven’t noticed I tend to surround myself with drama,” Jack tried to make light of the situation as she pushed away from him.  
  
She turned her back to him, still trembling from the images that had haunted her dream as he reached for her. He felt her stiffen beside him as he touched her shoulder, hoping to reach out to her all over again.  
  
“Talk to me Janet,” Jack pleaded with her thinking about her earlier request of him before they’d reconnected. “Does this have to do with why you had me check in on Liberty? Or that guy that was at the diner?”  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Janet replied stiffly.  
  
“I can understand that Janet, but obviously whatever is going on is big enough for you to wake up like this, so why don’t you tell me what’s going on? Who was he?” Jack questioned unnerved by the memory of the man who had been at the diner.   
  
Thinking about the way that the man had grabbed Janet only fueled his anger further as he thought of the tears that Janet had revealed to him. Something was wrong. Jack could feel it and suddenly his intuition was telling him that it had everything to do with the man at the diner.  
  
“Janet, please,” Jack urged her on again, “You said that you’d never lie to me because you weren’t any good at it.”  
  
“I’m not,” she finally glanced over her shoulder at him again, “which is why I’m telling you that you would be so much better off without me in your life. I’m a train wreck Jack.”  
  
“No, you’re not,” Jack reached out to her curling his finger underneath her chin. He urged her back onto the air mattress as he moved in over her, his lips descending towards hers once again. “You’re the woman I love and the mother of my child.”  
  
“Only because of a fluke,” Janet’s damp eyelashes fluttered up at him.  
  
“Nothing about our being together is a fluke,” Jack whispered warmly against her lips, his mouth brushing against hers in a soft sensual display. Bringing his hand down over the smooth softness of her abdomen, he couldn’t help but smile. “Not a thing.”  
  
“You’re only saying that now because I let you get some a while ago,” she couldn’t help but tease, her eyes twinkling with that same, familiar hint of fire that Jack had so readily recognized in her.  
  
“Yes, you did,” he couldn’t help but crack a grin at her words, “but I’d like to see that there’s more to my words than a sex induced high. I would’ve thought you’d realize that by now.”  
  
“I’ve realized in life there are two things you can count on,” Janet sighed sinking back into the pillow beneath her once again, “disappointment and heartbreak.”  
  
“It’s the air mattress, isn’t it?” Jack attempted to lighten the mood between them. “You’re not happy because it should’ve been a real bed, right?”  
  
“No,” Janet couldn’t help but laugh up at him, “it’s not the air mattress although I will say it does prove to me that you really are more of the farm boy than I anticipated after all your talk about being a city boy. That talk about loving Chicago was just a cover admit it.”  
  
“I think I just like the best of both worlds,” he replied with a sheepish grin.  
  
“But it’s that whole return to nature that excites you,” she continued with a hint of a smile carrying over her face.  
  
“And you like roughing it, admit it,” he teased tickling at her sides and causing her to squirm with laughter beneath him.  
  
“More than I want to own up to,” Janet bellowed with laughter as she heard a popping sound beneath them.  
  
Moments later her eyes widened and she reached up to Jack with a new sense of worry behind her eyes.  
  
“Um Jack, honey I think the earth is moving and it’s got entirely nothing to do with us,” Janet informed him with a bubble of laughter overtaking her.  
  
“You don’t think that…” Jack stopped feeling the mattress beneath them deflating more with each passing second.  
  
“Oh yeah I do,” she nodded up at him.  
  
“Time for a snack?” Jack suggested pulling himself up off of the floor and offering her his hand.  
  
“Most definitely,” she accepted with a smile, her dark eyes sweeping over his naked, sensual form approvingly. “Maybe a little dessert.”  
  
“I could always go for more dessert,” he winked down at her pulling her up into his arms with a low growl. “Although we’re diverting from our conversation here Janet.”  
  
“Being hungry is a big concern,” she replied with wide eyes. “It’s a very serious matter in my book and…”  
  
“You’re avoiding my question about what’s troubling you,” Jack finally settled in again on what they were discussing earlier.  
  
“I don’t want to think about it right now,” she eased her arms around his waist, pressing herself in against him in the hopes of distracting him all over again.  
  
“I realize that, but given how upset you were, I think it goes without saying that you should tell me what’s going on,” he suggested once more.  
  
“I can’t,” she hesitated as her eyes clouded over with the same distance that had been present when she’d awakened. “It’s not that I don’t want to, well actually it is that I don’t want to, but…”  
  
“Janet, you can trust me,” he cupped her face in his hands.  
  
“Can I?” she searched his eyes for a long moment.  
  
“You tell me,” he coaxed her on further, hoping to break whatever walls she was keeping around her behind her silence.  
  
“I wish I could, but…” she stopped herself as her gaze fell to the floor again where the now deflating air mattress was.  
  
“Janet please,” Jack reached for her hand bringing it to his lips with a tender press of a kiss.  
  
“There’s no turning back if we go down that road,” Janet finally revealed with a heavy sigh. “It paints a horrible picture of me Jack and I can assure you that things won’t be the same once the truth comes out.”  
  
“What truth?” he couldn’t help but ask behind worried eyes.  
  
“The truth about the kind of life I had before Libby and I found our way to Oakdale,” she finally blurted out as Jack realized that there was something more happening with the woman he loved than he’d anticipated. He just hoped whatever it was that was going on inside of Janet would be something that she would be able to trust him with long enough to help her out of whatever situation she feared was lurking around the corner.


	6. Chapter 6

  
  
Janet took a long sip of the hot chocolate Jack had whipped up for her now that they sat in their kitchen with one another prepared to talk about the seriousness that had surrounded them. She glanced over at him, seeing him waiting patiently for her confession, but she found herself at a loss. It was bad enough that she’d been on an emotional roller coaster for the last few days not sure if she was coming or going with Jack, but now to be faced with the past she’d left behind was something she was having trouble coming to grips with. A part of her had hoped it would stay behind her while another part had simply longed to forget. However, with Jason’s arrival it was clear there was no more avoiding the life she’d lead before she found her way to true happiness with Jack. If her dream had been a premonition of what could happen, she knew full well that her silence could prove deadly. She just hoped and prayed that Jack would understand by the time she was finished with spilling the glimpse of what she once was to him.  
  
“So what’s going on Janet?” he questioned reaching out to cover her hand with his across the table. “Talk to me.”  
  
“You know that before I met you I wasn’t exactly everything that you see today,” Janet let out a small laugh before shrugging her shoulders. “I know that’s probably not a stretch, but…”   
  
“Janet, you’re wonderful. I wish you’d take the time to see that,” Jack sighed leaning in closer to her.  
  
“I haven’t exactly had a lot of people in my life that made me feel that way Jack,” she bit back on her words straining to contain the tears she feared would overtake her. “I mean I’ve hooked up with a lot of losers in my life.”  
  
“That doesn’t define who you are,” he reminded her tenderly.  
  
“I know that now, but then…” her eyes clouded over thinking about what Jason’s warning meant to her future. “I wasn‘t exactly a candidate for the best decision maker in the world you see. I mean I can‘t even begin to tell you how many times I thought that I was being smart about things, but I wound up making a horrible choice. What‘s worse is I kept making them over and over again. I guess you could say for the longest time I never learned especially with the men I spent time with in my life. They had this way of kind of showing me just how irrelevant I was in the grand scheme of things.”  
  
“They were fools. All of them starting with my brother,” Jack encouraged her on as he squeezed her hand again. “They never saw how special you truly were.”  
  
“I never really thought I was special until I met you Jack,” she bit down on her lower lip fighting the tears that carried over her. “I mean sure, yeah I play it up like I’m hot stuff with my boldness and my take charge attitude, but when it gets down to it if you hear someone tell you long enough that you’re not worth it, well, you start to believe it you know?”  
  
“Janet, I know it‘s easy to get caught up in the past, but you aren‘t any of those things. You‘re a beautiful, lively, spirited woman who is about to have my baby. What more could I man ask for? You‘ve given me a new breath of life and I love you,” Jack urged her on as he reached up to wipe at the tear that slipped past her cheek.  
  
“I love you too, which is why telling you this is so hard for me,” she began with a heavy heart. “Remember how I told you I was an assistant to an Illinois Senator once?”  
  
“Vaguely,” Jack admitted honestly, “You might have said it in passing once…”  
  
“Yeah, well I’d hoped that part of my life had passed, but apparently some things just don’t stay buried deep enough,” she explained nervously while fidgeting with the mug in her hand. “It’s funny how it works that way. I mean you think that you can just push forward and put it all behind you, but surprise when things start looking up, people start sniffing around trying to make your worst moment a reality all over again.”  
  
“You’re talking about the guy from the diner,” Jack searched her eyes again. “He’s what upset you, isn’t he?”  
  
“He’s only a part of it,” Janet sighed outwardly. “You see I was really down on my luck and desperate for something better when this all came about. I had Libby and I was working on my own to make ends meet, so naturally when some big, flashy hot shot senator comes to the place I‘m working at and starts spouting off about how I‘d make a good candidate for his staff, I leapt at the offer. I was practically salivating at the idea of having something important to do other than serve coffee and sandwiches to the next dismal tipper. I really thought Libby and I hit it big time. I mean here I was a woman who hadn‘t even finished high school about to leap onto the political trail and really be someone, you know? Someone took an interest in me after my family pretty much disowned Libby and I and for the first time I felt important--needed maybe.”  
  
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” he nodded listening to her tale.  
  
“Yeah, well tell that to my daughter after I wound up screwing things up royally for Libby and I. We had a good thing going, but then I took the job, got too personally invested in my career and my boss and it got ugly,” Janet let out a long breath fighting to keep her words even.  
  
“How ugly?” Jack tensed up as Janet’s dark eyes shifted to the half empty mug of hot chocolate before her.  
  
“I started seeing him after hours and yeah, I kind of got the vibe that he was a real creep, but he was going to be big one day. He was full of so many promises,” Janet’s glance returned to him briefly before she looked down shamefully. “I figured it was better to be in good with someone who might’ve been important so to speak. I was young and stupid and he ate it up. He threw out the works buying me flowers, gifts, jewelry, you name it. He was ready to shower me with all the attention I’d never had. He even lead me to believe that Liberty wasn’t a problem for him like most men had expressed in the past. He seemed to care about her and that felt special to me. I really believe that he was different than the others, but I was wrong.”  
  
“What happened?” he questioned feeling her fingers grow cold against his touch.  
  
She shivered, “He ended up being someone I shouldn’t have believed in. Our relationship soured after I discovered him in bed with his campaign manager, which I could’ve lived with, but I couldn’t deal with what followed when they pulled her body out of the lake a couple of weeks later. Turns out she was pregnant and on the road to blackmailing him.”  
  
“You mean…” Jack started to piece what she was saying together.  
  
“He wasn’t at all who I thought he was Jack. He was into things--horrible, unspeakable things and after his campaign manager died, well the FBI got very interested in him. They started uncovering all the other unsavory activities he was engaged in and that’s when I met Jason. Apparently the FBI keeps good tabs on people and they knew all about my relationship with Sam,” Janet’s face grew hot with embarrassment. “They had video tapes of Sam and I together and they threatened to go public with them if I didn’t cooperate. You see he was married at the time and…”  
  
She buried her face in her hands and felt her face grow hot with regret. “I should’ve known better, but he kept telling me that they were over. He swore to me that she was only around until he got reelected and then he wanted us to be together. I was foolish and I believed in him until I realized what a creep he truly was. I tried to end it with Sam, but he wouldn’t hear of it. I wanted out, but things got ugly. I thought Sam’s anger was the worst of it. I mean it wasn‘t the first time I was with a guy who had a mean temper, but when I tried to leave he decided to teach me a lesson I was sure not to forget. Nobody ever left him and certainly not some little nobody that he’d pulled out of the gutter. He was explicitly clear about what would happen to Libby and I if I tried to leave.”  
  
“Janet, are you saying that he…” Jack started realizing what she was saying to him.  
  
“The first time he put me in the hospital I swore it was the last, but then when it happened again and I saw my baby girl in a position to follow in my footsteps, I knew I needed to get out of the situation no matter what the risk. I couldn’t let Libby grow up thinking that kind of situation was alright. She was better than I was. She deserved more than I did, but then when the FBI came with the tapes and started talking about my past, threatening me with Libby and what any implication of my relationship with Sam could do to her beyond what she‘d witnessed already, I was terrified Jack. I didn’t know what to do. I had no family, no friends and…”  
  
“Hey,” Jack’s face dropped as she burst into tears all over again.  
  
“I was so scared,” she forced herself to continue. “I just wanted out, but I knew if I tried to run it wouldn’t be over. Sam wasn’t exactly the kind of man to let anyone go unless they received the kind of out his campaign manager had. I found that out too late in the game, but with the FBI promising to keep Libby and I safe, I figured I could pull myself out of the hole I dug myself into. I wound up agreeing to do some spying so to speak and Sam found out about it. He wasn’t happy at all, but in the end the FBI was able to get their conviction. After that I vowed to start a new life. Libby and I took off and never looked back.”  
  
“And the guy at the diner?” Jack questioned watching her wipe at her cheeks.  
  
“He was nice to me when I was all out of options. After Sam…” she paused feeling a tiny shudder overtake her. “After the FBI came to me I knew I had to prevent myself from ending up like Sam’s campaign manager. When I think about how that could’ve been me Jack…”  
  
“It’s over,” Jack promised standing up and walking around the table to take her in his arms. “He can’t hurt you anymore.”  
  
“I used to believe that, but then Jason told me that Sam’s pulled some strings and he’s getting out of jail,” Janet blurted out tearfully. “They swore to me that he would be away forever Jack, but now he’s going to be out there again. He was angry with me before, but now that he knows I helped put him behind bars…”  
  
“Listen to me Janet,” Jack urged her to meet his dark eyes. “He won’t be able to get to you again. Regardless of what happened, there certainly has to be a way to keep him from finding where you are.”  
  
“He’s very resourceful Jack,” Janet bit back on her tears. “The FBI promised to help Libby and I relocate all over again with new identities, but that felt like it was an easy way out. It made me feel like we were the victims all over again and even though my life wasn’t the best, I couldn’t walk away from it. I couldn’t step aside from all that I was.”  
  
“You shouldn’t have to,” Jack wiped at her cheek gently. “Sam was wrong Janet. He should have paid for what he did.”  
  
“I never should’ve gotten involved with him in the first place,” she insisted stubbornly. “I never should’ve listened to empty promises of a corrupt politician and put myself in that position to begin with. I should’ve been smarter and ultimately I did this to myself.”  
  
“No Janet, that’s not true. You weren’t the one that did those things,” Jack attempted to put her mind at ease.  
  
“It doesn’t matter. I should’ve just kept to the life I knew and…” she stopped herself when she heard the sound of the doorbell ringing. Immediately her brown eyes found their way to Jack’s again worriedly. “Who could that be at this hour?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Jack frowned standing up again, “but whoever it is, I’m going to get rid of them. No one knows we’re here other than the real estate agent and I’m sure this doesn’t classify as overtime working hours.”  
  
“No it doesn’t,” she paused for a moment watching him move towards the door. She stood up and reached out to him tugging on his arm, “Jack wait. What if it’s him? What if he found us? What if he’s here and…?”  
  
“I’ll take care of this Janet,” Jack promised stepping forward to kiss her on the forehead before moving back. “Stay here.”  
  
“Jack, I don’t want you going out there alone when…” she began worriedly.  
  
“Take my phone and call the station if you hear anything out of the ordinary,” Jack encouraged her on further. “If there’s any sign of trouble, you call for backup and get someone out here.”  
  
“But wait…” she tugged on his arm again pulling him back into the kitchen. “You shouldn’t go out there unprepared.”  
  
“Janet, I’ll be fine,” Jack informed her seriously. “I’ll just go see who it is and…”  
  
“At least take something for protection,” Janet looked around the kitchen spotting her purse on the countertop.   
  
She rushed forward pulling it open and shuffling inside. A moment later she discovered what she was looking for as she pulled out a tiny container of pepper spray.  
  
“Take this,” she placed it into the palm of his hand, “It’s not as effective as a gun, but it will sting like hell when you spray someone in the face with it or at least it will leave them with some major respiratory issues. Trust me I know because one time I was out at a school play with Libby and didn’t have it locked. It sprayed in my purse and cleared out the whole auditorium. They had to call EMS and everything when…”  
  
“I’ll be right back,” Jack kissed her again quickly. “Just stay here.”  
  
“Fine, but be careful,” she warned with a frown watching him walk out of the kitchen to leave her with thoughts of the past she feared would never returned to overtake her life ever again.  
  
*****************  
  
Jack tiptoed through the darkened living room still processing what Janet had told him about her past. Although he’d suspected something shady with the man who’d been harassing her at the diner, he had no idea of what was truly troubling her. Even now he couldn’t help but wonder about the man she’d helped send to prison. It left an unsettling feeling inside of him. He made a mental note to make a call to a couple of contacts in the morning to check out Janet’s story further if only to get more of an idea of what they may be up against in the future. Now however he had to deal with the impending visitor at the door.  
  
“Who could it be?” he asked himself as he looked down to Janet’s pepper spray vial in his hand. Despite the situation that surrounded him, Jack couldn’t help but find himself fighting the urge to chuckle at the pink, floral print case she had it in. It was outrageously loud in color, yet so very Janet, he realized as he glanced over at the door once again.   
  
While he was certain that he wouldn’t have to encounter anything major outside of the house, given Janet’s concern, he decided to take another precaution. Moving over towards the fireplace, he set the pepper spray down on top of the shelf directly above it. After he slid his hand along the side and popped open the tiny compartment in the wall just beyond the fireplace. Inside he found his gun where he’d left it locked up just in case. Sliding it into the back of his pants, he approached the front door cautiously. He hesitated momentarily hearing the bell again. He pulled back the curtain on the window discovering that he couldn’t see anyone on the front porch.  
  
“It’s now or never,” he told himself as his pulse began to race. His breath quickened in his throat, his hand reached for his gun keeping it at his side and as he opened the door he found himself met by the night air.  
  
“What the…” he frowned realizing that there wasn’t anyone before him but the night. He stepped forward ready to patrol the yard when he heard a tiny giggle from the bushes to the left of him.  
  
“Surprise!” Sage squealed with delight revealing herself to him underneath the moonlight.  
  
“Sage,” Jack’s jaw dropped as he focused on his daughter before him. He quickly tucked his gun away before stepping out onto the porch, “What are you doing here?”  
  
“I wanted to surprise you daddy,” she explained racing towards him and throwing her arms around his waist tightly. “I was afraid you were sleeping.”  
  
“You should be sleeping at this hour,” Jack replied hugging her tightly. “How did you get here?”  
  
“I took a cab,” Sage smiled up at him innocently, “I used Parker’s allowance money he’s been saving up and came on over here to find you.”  
  
“How did you know I was here?” Jack questioned trying to process how his daughter had found her way to his new home in the middle of the night. Her big eyes were staring up at him expectantly and as he felt a chill in the air, he urged her to follow him inside.  
  
“It wasn’t that hard,” Sage shrugged her shoulders as she skipped through the front door. “All I needed was the internet. You can pretty much find anyone on that these days.”  
  
“The internet,” Jack repeated with a surprised laugh wondering how in the world his daughter had managed to be so resourceful at such a young age.  
  
“That’s right,” Sage nodded spinning around on her heel to look up at him, “and now that I’m here you can show me around.”  
  
“Jack, who is it?” Janet questioned walking out of the kitchen with the tea kettle in her hand ready to attack when she spotted Sage in the middle of the living room with Jack. “Sage. Hi honey.”  
  
“Janet,” Sage mouthed Janet’s name with an air of distain. She turned around to face Janet with a less than impressed expression on her face, “You’re here too?”  
  
Jack sensed the shift in his daughter’s mood as he stepped forward still trying to register how his daughter had managed to sneak out in the middle of the night to make her way over to the house. He touched Sage’s shoulder gently and spoke up once more.  
  
“Does your mother know you’re here?” Jack asked worriedly as Sage glared up at her father.   
  
“Does mom know that she’s here with you?” Sage folded her arms in front of her chest expectantly, “And in her pajamas?”  
  
“Well Sage, um, you see…” Jack cleared his throat uneasily as Janet wrapped her robe tighter around her body.  
  
“I think I should probably um, get upstairs and get dressed again,” Janet spoke up in a muted tone. She pointed to the stairs as she and Jack exchanged glances once again, “I’ll be right back.”  
  
“We’ll be here,” Jack nodded as Janet marched up the stairs back to the bedroom. Once she left, he focused his attention on Sage once again.  
  
“You’re not mad at me that I took Parker’s money, are you?” Sage batted her eyelashes at him and curled her lip in a pout. “I promise I’m so going to pay him back, but I really needed to see you daddy. I had a bad dream when I was with Faith and…”  
  
“You were with Faith?” Jack replied as she nodded again.  
  
“We were having a sleep over, but I had this horrible dream about you and mommy and I got scared. I knew mommy was safe at work, but you, well you weren’t at our house, so I had to find you. Please don’t be mad at me,” Sage stepped forward and hugged her father tightly. “I just wanted to see you.”  
  
“I’m not mad at you honey,” Jack confessed returning the embrace. He scooped her up in his arms and held her to his chest, “I could never, ever be mad at you for wanting to be with me. I love you Sage.”  
  
“Then let’s go home,” she suggested with a wide grin. “We can call mom and go back to our house. You can tuck me in bed and read me a story.”  
  
“Sage, I would love to do that,” Jack paused seeing the sincerity behind his daughter’s request, “but first how about we call your mother and tell her that you’re alright?”  
  
“Okay,” Sage nodded wrapping her arms around his shoulder’s triumphantly, “I’d like that.”  
  
“Good, then how about we get you some hot chocolate in the kitchen while I call her?” Jack decided with a smile. “What do you say honey?”  
  
“With tiny marshmallows?” Sage asked excitedly.  
  
“Of course,” Jack promised carrying her into the kitchen as he realized Carly would be going out of her mind with worry upon learning that Sage had gone missing. Thankfully she had found her way to Jack without falling into harm’s way. Jack had to keep that in mind above all else now that it was clear his daughter had the same free spirited mind of her own that Carly possessed, which undoubtedly meant Jack and Carly were going to have to talk about a few things sooner than anticipated.  
  
**************  
  
Laughter bubbled through the house as Janet took a final look at her appearance. She had pulled together a few cosmetics from her purse in the hopes of salvaging her appearance after Sage’s awkward observation, but she knew there was no hiding what she and Jack had been up to earlier in the evening. Her hair was a mess and the hour at which Sage had found Jack and Janet together spoke volumes about where they were in their relationship. Even in her youth Sage had picked up on that and made it clear that she wasn’t happy about the situation.  
  
“She’s just unsure about another woman being with her dad,” Janet rationalized thinking about how Sage was at the age where she had hoped for reconciliation between her parents. It wasn’t at all out of the realm of a child’s desire for her family to be together, yet Janet knew full well circumstances had altered that for Sage long before Janet was in the picture.  
  
“Just go downstairs and remember what she’s feeling,” Janet reminded herself as she adjusted her shirt again.   
  
She stepped forward ready to leave the bedroom, but hesitated. Turning around Janet reached for her purse and pulled out a chocolate bar that she’d kept with her just in case. It wasn’t anything special, but maybe Sage would like it, Janet rationalized walking down the stairs only to discover Sage seated upon Jack’s lap at the kitchen table.  
  
“So I brought all of my favorite dolls and puzzle books just in case you wanted to keep busy and have some fun,” Sage explained pushing open the tiny backpack she’d carried in with her. “Then I brought my favorite Disney cartoons like Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella to watch…”  
  
“We may have to hold off on those Sage because I don’t have a DVD player here just yet,” Jack informed her with a small hug.  
  
“We have one at home,” Sage batted her eyelashes up at him once again. “We could watch them there.”  
  
“Actually right now we need to wait for your mom to come over,” Jack replied touching her cheek lightly. “She’s very worried about you.”  
  
“I’m worried about her as well. She hasn’t been happy in a long time daddy,” Sage offered up with a small pout. “She is home all day feeling really sad because you aren’t there. She misses you daddy. We all do.”  
  
“I miss you too sweetheart, but I’ll never be too far away,” Jack promised giving her a kiss on the top of her head when he spotted Janet out of the corner of his eye. “Hey Janet.”  
  
“Jack,” Janet smiled over at him feeling her heart ache for Sage in that moment.  
  
“Come on in,” Jack waved Janet into the room with a wide smile, “We were about to have another round of hot chocolate.”  
  
“Oh you know what’s good with hot chocolate?” Janet stepped forward feeling an opportunity to get closer to Sage. She pulled the candy out from behind her back and offered it to Sage. “A chocolate bar.”  
  
Sage wrinkled her nose at Janet. “I don’t think so. It‘s a little too late for candy Janet.”  
  
“Oh come on. It’s not too late for a little dessert with your hot chocolate,” Janet coaxed her on further as Janet glanced over at Jack for backup.  
  
“Since we are having hot chocolate I suppose a little bit of candy can’t hurt,” Jack suggested encouragingly. “Open it up Janet and we’ll all have some.”  
  
“No we won’t,” Sage shook her head firmly. “It’s way too late for chocolate bars. Mommy would never approve.”  
  
“Sage I said it was alright. I’m sure your mother won’t mind,” Jack urged her on once again.  
  
“I said I don’t want it okay,” Sage snapped up at her father before glaring over at Janet. “I don’t want your chocolate.”  
  
“Okay, I’m sorry,” Janet stepped back apologetically. “I just thought that maybe…”  
  
“It was a nice gesture Janet,” Jack mouthed with an encouraging nod, “Maybe Sage will have some later.”  
  
“No, I won’t,” Sage shook her head firmly. “I don’t want it.”  
  
“That’s okay,” Janet pulled the candy bar back off of the table. “You don’t have to have any. If you don’t like it, then you don’t have to eat it. I’ll just get everyone another round of hot chocolate and…”  
  
“My dad can get it for me,” Sage wrinkled her nose again.  
  
“Really I can…” Janet began again.  
  
“I can get it,” Jack decided as Sage wiggled off of his lap. He stood up and breezed past Janet with an apologetic expression on his face.  
  
“I’ll help,” Janet followed after him moving over to the counter as Sage set up her coloring book on the table top.  
  
“Give her time,” Jack whispered placing his hand on top of Janet’s with a casual brush.  
  
“I will,” Janet nodded taking in a breath before turning around to face Sage again, “So what were you doing out so late? Have a hot date?”  
  
“Janet, I’m just a kid. Why would I have a date?” Sage rolled her eyes at Janet’s words. “I’m too young to be dating.”  
  
“Of course you are,” Janet moved in closer to the table. “I was just kidding.”  
  
“Well it wasn’t funny,” Sage notified Janet with a seriousness in her tone as the doorbell rang. Immediately Sage perked up and leapt out of her chair. “Mom’s here.”  
  
“Sage wait,” Jack watched Sage rush out of the kitchen to answer the door.  
  
“Go with her. I’ll take care of this,” Janet encouraged him on taking a breath as Jack and Sage went to welcome Carly inside.   
  
While Janet was certain that sooner or later everyone would have to adjust to what was happening, she never anticipated it would all take place so soon. Although she and Sage had gotten along in the past, it seemed that Sage wasn’t about to let go of the hope that Janet would leave Jack’s life and honestly Janet couldn’t blame her. The more Janet thought about the situation, the worse she felt in playing a hand in shattering Sage’s dreams of a reunion between her parents. Even though Janet couldn’t help what had happened with Jack and Carly, she realized that to Sage in it’s own way it was just another sign that life wasn’t fair all around for anyone.  
  
**************  
  
  
“Sage, you’re supposed to be spending the night with Faith. What are you doing here?” Carly questioned worriedly after she’d released her daughter from their initial embrace. “You know better than to run off in the middle of the night.”  
  
“I had to see daddy,” Sage clarified with a determined tone, “and now that you’re here we can all go home. I knew you’d follow me here too and…”  
  
“Sage, honey that’s not going to happen. I’ve already told you that…” Carly began with an exasperated sigh.  
  
“Sage, why don’t you go check on that hot chocolate?” Jack interrupted raising his hand in the air to silence Carly for a moment. “See if Janet will get another mug for your mother.”  
  
“Okay,” Sage nodded eagerly, “I’ll bring it right back with extra marshmallows just like you like it mommy.”  
  
“That would be great honey,” Carly forced a smile watching Sage leave before her eyes narrowed up at Jack. “What the hell is going on Jack?”  
  
“That’s what I would like to know,” Jack frowned over at Carly. “I think our daughter is in good hands and then she just tells me that she took a cab over here in the middle of the night when…”  
  
“She was spending the night with Faith. I thought that she would be fine,” Carly defended with a huff. “She was there when I called in and checked on her earlier.”  
  
“Well she’s not there now, is she?” Jack opened his mouth to say something more before stopping himself. “Look, I’m not upset with you, but just concerned about our daughter sneaking out in the middle of the night.”  
  
“You don’t think that this upsets me?” Carly threw her hands up in the air. “Jack, in case you haven’t noticed I’m worried sick out of my mind about this.”  
  
“So am I Carly,” Jack relented taking a step back, “which is why I wanted to talk to you before we take her home.”  
  
“I’m perfectly capable of taking her back home myself,” Carly insisted firmly.  
  
“Even so she asked me to come over and read her a story, which I fully intend on doing before returning here, but right now I think that…” Jack started drawing in a long breath.  
  
“Speaking of here, where are we exactly Jack?” Carly arched a suspicious brow. “What are you doing here in the middle of the night?”  
  
“It’s my new place,” Jack announced bracing himself for her reaction.  
  
“Your new…” Carly’s eyes widened, “As in you bought this house?”  
  
“It’s more of a rent to own situation, but yes it’s mine,” Jack paused contemplating his words before continuing, “with Janet.”  
  
“Janet,” Carly repeated with a forced laugh, “so wait. Let me get this right. I tell you to tell her that you love her and be honest with her, so you think that buying her a house is a good start at doing that?”  
  
“We were contemplating living together before everything blew up with Brad,” Jack revealed with a nervousness in his tone. “I asked her to move in with me and we sort of found this place together before everything came crashing down around us.”  
  
“I see, so you and Janet are living together now,” Carly brought her hand up over the center of her chest. She cleared her throat uneasily, “So when were you planning on telling me?”  
  
“In the morning,” Jack explained with a shake of his head, “but then Sage arrived and…”  
  
“How did she know you were here?” Carly couldn’t help but ask.  
  
“She said something about the internet, but that’s not the point,” Jack continued glancing over his shoulder to make sure that Sage wasn’t in the room with them. “Carly, there’s something else we need to talk about right now. It’s important.”  
  
“More important than our finding a way to make sure our daughter doesn’t pull this again with sneaking out?” Carly folded her arms in front of her chest.  
  
“Janet’s pregnant Carly,” Jack blurted out completely blindsiding her with his words. “She and I are having a baby together and even though I’d hoped we could talk about this at a better time, I think that maybe now is the best time to get it out in the open between us so that we can tell the kids together.”  
  
“You mean you and Janet are…” Carly’s eyes darted over towards where Sage had disappeared.  
  
Jack nodded, “It took me by surprise too, but when she told me I was happy Carly. I am happy. Really happy and…”  
  
“I’m happy for you Jack,” Carly forced a smile as she stepped in closer to him. “If anyone deserves a second chance at happily ever after it’s you. Janet’s a great woman.”  
  
“She really is,” Jack nodded in agreement, “I’m lucky to have her.”  
  
“She’s the lucky one Jack,” Carly replied offering up an embrace. “You deserve to be happy.”  
  
“I am happy with her Carly,” Jack returned the hug as he thought about the news of his impending fatherhood all over again. “I wanted to thank you for getting me back on track again Carly because if I would’ve let this thing go with Janet…”  
  
“You would’ve regretted it the rest of your life Jack,” Carly pulled back and patted his shoulder gently. “She’s good for you Jack.”  
  
“I know she is and I want to make sure that everything works out for everyone,” Jack explained further as his thoughts lingered to Sage’s reaction to Janet. “I just want us all to be happy.”  
  
“I want that too Jack,” Carly replied with a nod of her own as Jack wondered how he was going to warm his children up to the idea that Janet was about to become a bigger part of their family.  
  
**************  
  
“Janet, my mom would like a hot chocolate,” Sage announced bouncing into the kitchen with a wide smile. “My daddy wanted me to get one for her since she’s here now.”  
  
“I can do that,” Janet replied pulling a mug out of the cabinet. “Would you like to help me put it together for her?”  
  
“Sure,” Sage nodded stepping forward to join Janet at the counter. “My mom is going to want extra marshmallows just like I like it.”  
  
“That’s my favorite way too,” Janet handed the bag of marshmallows over to Sage. “With whipped cream too.”  
  
“I love whipped cream in my hot chocolate,” Sage added brightly. “Do we have any of that?”  
  
“Not yet, but maybe next time you come over I can make sure that your dad has some of it ready for you,” Janet offered up with a smile. “What do you say?”  
  
“I guess,” Sage shrugged turning away from Janet.  
  
“Sage, hey you know we can be friends,” Janet began taking in a breath.  
  
“I don’t know,” Sage shuffled on her feet.  
  
“I’m not trying to replace your mother Sage. Your mom and dad will always love you and you’ll always be number one to them,” Janet continued on uncertain on how to approach the situation.  
  
“My mom and dad are going to be a family again one day Janet,” Sage finally faced Janet again with a seriousness in her tone. “You are nice enough, but you can’t break up a family.”  
  
“No one is going to break up your family Sage. You’ll always have your mom and dad in your life,” Janet tried to explain to her.  
  
“And it’ll happen sooner if you stop trying to take my dad away from us,” Sage blurted out behind teary eyes. “My dad should be home with us, not out here with you.”  
  
“Sage, honey…” Janet spoke up trying to think up some kind of appropriate response to Sage’s declaration, but she found herself at a loss.  
  
“How’s it going in here?” Jack inquired entering the kitchen just in time to see Sage and Janet together.  
  
“I want to see mom,” Sage mouthed pushing past her father and rushing out into the other room.  
  
“What happened?” Jack questioned looking between Sage’s exit and Janet.  
  
“She isn’t happy about me being here with you Jack,” Janet replied in a neutral tone. “She wants you and Carly to be together.”  
  
“She said that to you?” Jack’s eyes widened.  
  
Janet nodded, “And I don’t blame her Jack. She’s young and just wants to have a normal family.”  
  
“I understand that, but…” Jack stopped himself. He looked to the door again before turning to Janet. “I told Sage I would go with her to read her a story and tuck her in. Why don’t you come over with us and…?”  
  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Janet bit down on her lower lip nervously. “Right now I think she needs you and Carly.”  
  
“Janet, I don’t think that…” Jack stepped forward bringing his arms around her waist and pulling her in closer to him.  
  
“Your daughter needs you right now Jack,” Janet patted his chest lightly. “I’ll be fine.”  
  
“I want you there with me,” Jack dropped down to kiss her tenderly.  
  
“I’m the last thing you need there right now,” she whispered against his lips before pulling back. “We both know that.”  
  
“I don’t want to leave you alone after…” Jack’s dark eyes found hers again.  
  
“I’ll be alright. I have my trusty pepper spray after all,” Janet forced a sad smile, “but Sage needs her father right now.”  
  
Jack finally nodded, “I won’t be long.”  
  
“Take all the time you need,” Janet whispered leaning up to kiss him once more.  
  
“I love you,” Jack’s words vibrated against her lips.  
  
“I love you too Jack,” Janet squeezed her arms around him one last time before watching him leave to go off with Carly and Sage in the hopes of putting his daughter’s mind at ease. While Janet knew full well it was the right thing to do, she realized that there would be a lot of adjusting to do before everyone would be able to finally settle into a life of normal day to day living.   
  
Then again, what was normal after all, she pondered to herself knowing full well that from here on out no matter what direction things would go in life would never truly be normal for any of them.   
  
With her past threatening she knew full well that everyone she cared about would be at risk especially Jack and Liberty. With that fear fresh on her mind, she returned to her purse and pulled out Jason’s card wondering if the face from her past would be able to help her ensure the safety and security she would need for a life of happiness in her future with Jack. Reaching for her cell phone she pulled it out of her purse and started to dial Jason’s number, but stopped herself.  
  
“No, you don’t need him to take care of this,” she reminded herself with a frown. “You’ve done great up until now in taking care of yourself and you have Jack. You don’t need Jason or anyone else to step in and deal with the situation. You are stronger than that.”  
  
Janet set her phone back on the table and took in a calming breath. “That’s right. I can fix this. Everything’s going to be alright now that Jack is on your side. You’ll see.”


End file.
